Page 13 of Stealing Home

Every muscle in my body seizes. Nando drags me toward the stairs. I struggle to get my arm free, but his fingers dig in harder. At the top of the stairs he grabs a fistful of my hair and shoves me against the wall. The texture of the wall rubs against my cheek as I struggle to get free. His elbow digs into my back, and I hear his belt buckle clicking open.

Horror, unlike any I’ve ever known, washes over. The sound of his zipper opening cuts through the sound of me hyperventilating. My terror isn’t over as he hikes up my dress.

I try and shut everything down. He’s my husband. It’s not like the first time we’ve had sex. I can do this. Give into this.

I can’t, not again.

This isn’t the first time he’s taken me against my will. Although, I did what I do best all the times before. I lied. It takes skill to lie to yourself. Before, he used emotional manipulation to coerce me. Begging, insults, and threats were our foreplay. I would lay there, waiting for him to finish, and each time I felt filthy afterwards.

Now he won’t even settle for the guise of my consent. Is there no limit to the ways he’ll try and break me? I don’t think Nando will be satisfied until I’m a fractured shell of a person. I’m almost there now, but if he does this I’ll shatter into a million pieces.

“No,” I scream. I stomp on his foot, and he backs off a little.

I turn around and pull down my dress. There’s nothing but hatred in his eyes. “Like I said, you’re useless.”

He refastens his pants. “Don’t wait up for me.”

I never do, I almost tell him, but I bite my tongue. Anything I say will only risk bringing him back, and what I want more than anything is for him to be gone.

Inside my room, I lock the door and grab my phone. There’s a missed call from my sister, and I try to gather my composure and call her back.

“Hey peanut,” I say. Even I can hear my voice wavering.

“What did he do now, Low?”

My throat is thick as I force myself not to cry. “Same bullshit, different day. He got me fired from my job.”

“What the fuck? Are you going to leave him now?” she demands.

I nod, and then realize she can’t see me. “Yeah, I’m going to take a job at a garage here in town.”

“Doing what? You don’t know a spark plug from a transmission.”

“I’m not sure. There’s a cafe inside. I could be making coffee for all I know, but I met one of the owners today, and she said we’d talk about it on Saturday,” I tell her.

“Can you be safe there until then?” she asks.

“I’m going to try,” I whisper.

“Oh, Low. Please get out of there. My school isn’t worth this. I would rather have you than this program,” Leena begs.

“You’ll have both. I promise. Look, I’m exhausted, but I didn’t want to go to sleep without calling you first.”

“I’m going to hold you to that. You’re all I have left.”

We get off the phone and I realize she’s right. Here I’ve been trying to stay in this nightmare thinking I was doing what was best for her, and instead all I’ve been doing is risking everything. There’s more to caring for someone than providing for them. Sometimes taking care of yourself is what they need you to do the most. Hard to be there for another person if you become a statistic. Tonight it’s more clear to me than ever before, I’m not safe here anymore.

6

Harlow

My alarm goesoff in the morning, and I get up and start getting ready for the day before I realize I don’t have anywhere to go. I linger in my room and finish doing my hair and make up to ensure Nando is gone by the time I emerge from my sanctuary.

The house is already clean, so I open my laptop and see what else I can do to advertise the youth clinic. My phone sits there taunting me, and I fight the urge to text Scott. His shameless flirting is a boost to my ego, but I can’t let it go on. It’s not fair to him, and I suspect it’s something he does with every woman. I shouldn’t let it make me feel so special.

But, I’m weak and lonely. Grasping for reasons to contact him, I wonder if he found the time to make flyers for the event.

Did you have a chance to make a flyer for the clinic?

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