“At least let me pay your rent,” he insists.
“Not necessary. Harlow has a good job. I’ve moved in with her. I’m going to propose to her, soon.”
He groans. “So, not only did you listen to nothing I had to say, but I managed to speed up your relationship. Fantastic.”
“What issue do you see us having because of her age? I mean, really? Women live longer than men. She’s already practically aging in reverse, so I don’t think we’re going to wake up in a few years and she’s going to look like an old lady. Besides, with the amount of time I spend in the sun, I am going to look older than she will.”
“What’s the rush? Is she pregnant or something?”
I chuckle to myself. “I wish.”
“You don’t mean that. This is what I’m worried about, that you’re going to rush through your relationship because she’s ready for things that you aren’t. And, I’m afraid right now you want to be with her bad enough to go along with it. Before you know it, you’re going to find yourself married and a father and wondering where your youth went.”
I’m not going to ask him again if he regrets getting married and having me while he was still in college. Normally, I wouldn’t think he did, but the way he is talking I’m less certain now. “For starters, Harlow’s divorce was only finalized yesterday. I’m the one who has brought up getting married. Besides, she’s only thirty-three, she could have kids for many years still, but I’m ready now. Did it ever occur to you that I want to be there for my kids like you were there for me? Believe me, she is not the one pushing this.”
“She really didn’t care when she found out about the money?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Not only did she not care when it was gone, I think she was relieved,” I admit.
“Huh,” he says. Neither of us speaks for a minute, despite there being an awkward silence. I hear him exhale. “I still don’t like how much older she is than you, but I can admit that I was unfair in my judgment of her.”
This conversation has gone better than I expected, but it’s better to end it before it takes a turn. Also, I’m not ready to act like everything is fine between us. He’s got to earn that shit. “I’ve got a busy day ahead of me, but it’s actually lucky you called. Rivera is on probation, so Coach Tucker asked me to come back to the team.”
“Please tell me you didn’t do something to cost that man his job,” he sighs.
And there it is, the other shoe. “For fuck’s sake, dad. The man abused his wife, and you’re going to stand up for him? For the record, she didn’t want to go to the university about it, so I said nothing. Not even when he kicked me off the team, despite the fact he didn’t actually have that kind of power.”
I have to take a few deep breaths before I continue. “Don’t you dare pity that sack of shit. He is being investigated for having a sexual relationship with a grad student whose program he was in charge of. The athletic director had numerous calls from students and parents because he was also overworking the team. The sponsors are threatening to pull out because they’ve lost every game since I’ve been gone. The professors are angry because he’s been holding the players late in practice, interfering with academics. But, sure, believe I’m the reason he lost his job.”
Huffing out a sigh, I decide to just get off the phone. “I’m not sure I know who you are anymore. Just have mom call me. Maybe she’d like to come and see me play.”
I don’t wait for him to respond and hang up the phone. We’ve never bumped heads like this, but lately we take one step forward and a giant leap back.
37
Harlow
Workingwith my friends at the garage is pretty much the most satisfying job I’ve ever had, but it still doesn’t compare to coming home and finding Scott already there waiting. I know after he graduates and we move to Seattle, things will change. There will be longer hours for both of us, and the longer we’re together, this need to be together constantly might wane. However, judging by my friends, we might never move past this stage. Wren and Griffin have been married for over ten years and they still spend almost every minute of the day together.
When I step out the back door of the garage a little after five, I see Scott sitting on a chair on the deck, which is a bit odd. This early in the spring the weather has been too temperamental to use the deck, and it isn’t like the view of the rear parking lot draws you outside. It’s almost like the porch is where he lost the energy to make it all the way inside. I can see he’s zoned out, and doesn’t see me coming up the stairs. He continues sitting still with his shoulders hunched, elbows resting on his knees, and his head is in his hands.
“Scott,” I call out as I climb the last few steps, but he doesn’t look up. I set my bag down and go sit in the chair next to him. When he still doesn’t respond, I put my hand on his knee and squeeze.
He blinks a few times and snaps out of it. “Hey, sweetheart.” He fakes a smile, and tries to shake off his melancholy. I can see he’s struggling though, and when he reaches out for me, I let him pull me onto his lap. He wraps his arms around me, nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, and breathes me in. Underneath me I can feel the tension in his muscles relax. While he works to gather himself, I try and soothe him by running my fingers through his hair. He shudders and exhales against my skin.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
He exhales and it tickles my neck, making me shiver. My reaction pleases him, and he kisses under my jaw. After a few moments, he pulls back to look at me. “I talked to my dad this morning.”
I hold my breath and my tongue. I don’t have to wait long. “I honestly thought I was making headway with him about how I feel about you, and that he might be opening up to accepting us.”
There’s a lump in my throat. Logically, I know this isn’t all my fault. Scott isn’t under my control. If anything the opposite is true. None of that stops me from feeling guilty, though.
“Hey, look at me,” he says and cradles my face in his hands. “You promised, remember?”
I nod. “I won’t leave you. Never again.”
“‘Till death do us part?” he says in a tone implying he’s teasing, but I can tell he means what he’s saying.