The elevator doors finally slide open, and I rush to greet him. He lifts me up and spins me around. “I could get used to this kind of greeting when I come home.”

Benji sets me on my feet, and I can see the intention in his eyes before his mouth meets mine. Kissing him isn’t unpleasant. He’s got skills, but there’s no spark between us. Yes, I got burned with Ford, but I’d rather risk the flames than play it safe.

“Have you made up your mind?” he asks me while he plays with the ring on my finger.

I put my hands on his biceps and put some space between us. “Benji, this is all happening so fast. I?—”

He puts his finger against my lips. “You’re right. I’m jumping the gun. I’ve thought about this for so long, I got a bit too eager when you came back. I’ll do better. I promise. You’ll get all the time you need to make a decision.” He kisses the top of my head.

“I’m going to go shower, how about we watch a movie when I come out?”

* * *

Benji comesin at the same time I find my favorite movie. He sees what’s on the screen and dives for the remote. “I am not watchingThe Princess Bridefor the billionth time,” he says while he grapples for the remote.

Laughing I try and scoot away from him while he stretches out and ends up falling on top of me. We wrestle for control of the remote. I can feel every rippling muscle pressing against me. I wait for the panic to come, but it doesn’t. It hasn’t been very long since Jesse and his friends spent three days assaulting me. I anticipate freezing up as soon as a man touches me, but in Benji’s arms I feel safe. Our eyes lock, and for a moment I can see the future Benji has been talking about.

It wouldn’t be an instant connection like I had with Ford, but there is something between us that can grow if I let it. Life would be easy with Benji.

We continue to stare into each other’s eyes, and I bite my lip in anticipation. I’m not ready to say yes to his proposal, but this moment feels monumental. Everything is changing between us, but surprisingly I’m not afraid.

He’s taking such great care making sure he doesn’t trigger a panic attack. I might not understand it, but I can feel his love for me. My fingers shake a little as I reach up to stroke the side of his face. I don’t have the words right now, but I need him to know I care about him deeply.

Benji’s lips curve into a smile. Then he leans down and brushes them against mine. It’s a shy kiss, uncertain of my reception. When I don’t pull away he grows bolder. I get a hint of the passion he holds back, then my phone rings and bursts this fragile moment.

He groans and sits back. “Everyone who knows you’re alive is in this apartment, so you should probably get that.”

I grab it off the coffee table and answer it. I recognize FBI agent Marks’ voice when he greets me. The lighthearted atmosphere vanishes and I quickly sit up.

“What’s wrong? Why are you calling me?” I ask him. It’s only been a few days, and I was told no one would be contacting me unless there was an emergency.

He takes a deep breath. “Everything is fucked. Damien Blackthorne has Holbrook, which means at this point we should assume he knows you’re alive. I’ve already called Natalie’s family. We have everyone else in a secure paramilitary compound, and I think it’s best if you join them.”

I look at Benji. The life I could have here flashes before me, and I’m not sure I can give that up. I’m not sure what our future will look like, but I can say with absolute certainty that Benji is essential to me. I can’t imagine a life without him in it, at least not a good one.

I’m prepared to tell him no, but then he says the one thing that can bring me back. “There was an explosion earlier at the compound when Damien’s men tried to get to Raven. Tessa, Ford is in the hospital. I didn’t want you to show up here and be surprised with that information. You’ve been through enough already.”

Benji can see it on my face. I can tell he’s sad, but like always, he is going to put me first. I don’t deserve him. I’m not sure anyone could.

“Go,” he mouths.

I inhale and prepare myself for stepping back into a place where I’m looked at with suspicion and scorn. “Tell me what I need to do.” There’s really no other option. I wasn’t there for Ford the last time he was in the hospital, but I sure as hell will be there for him this time.

ChapterTwo

FORD

Beep,beep, beep.It’s hard to sleep with the relentless noise. Everything sounds like it’s coming from the inside of a tin can. I hear people talking, but the words are too warbled to understand what they’re saying.

I open my eyes to see why there are so many people in my room, but the light stings like being jabbed by thousands of little needles.

“Too bright,” I mumble.

“Someone hit the lights.” At least that’s what I think was said. I’m not sure who is even speaking though because everything sounds so distorted.

Mercifully, someone listens and the lights are lowered to a soft glow. It’s still a bit harsh on my eyes but everything seems to hurt right now.

With the lights down I crack my eyes open again and see Raven staring down at me. “You look like hell,” I rasp out. My voice echoes inside my head and I can’t tell if I’m whispering or yelling.