Page 22 of Pretty Broken Promises

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Tessa is soexcited when I tell her that I'm getting us plane tickets that she decides to contact her professor and skip her Thursday morning class. Just like in high school, she is an overachiever and has already finished most of the coursework. Not surprisingly, she hasn't missed a single class.

We get online and find a red-eye flight leaving Wednesday night. It's the middle of the night by the time we get into SeaTac, although the city still teems with life. You can see thousands of lights from cars and buildings glittering against an ink-black sky. It really isn't that much different than Playa Pacifica. I imagine in any large city there is an element that never stops moving, but there is something different here.

From the moment we step outside of the airport the air feels thick around you like a blanket. This close to spring the moisture is heavy and threatens to rain at any moment. It even smells different here. It has that rain smell that makes everything smell just a little bit cleaner, but it carries notes of pine you don’t get in Playa. The biggest difference is the smile spreading across Tessa's face.

I haven't seen that smile in, well, two years. I've missed this smile. I want to kiss her so bad, but I don't know if we're there yet. Instead, I stretch my fingers out and brush them against hers.

She looks up at me, her brown eyes twinkling, and I feel her fingers slide against mine and link together. Then a miracle happens. She stretches up on her toes, and as softly as a whisper, presses her lips against mine. I hold my breath, afraid she’ll change her mind.

The entire kiss lasts only about as long as one heartbeat before she drops back down to her heels. It's far from the kind of kisses we've had in the past, but somehow I feel like I’ve won a huge prize. As painful as taking things slowly is, I wouldn't want to miss a single moment with her. We raced through everything the first time and burned out too fast. This time I want to do it her way. I want the hesitant kisses and the awkward handholding. I want everything with her.

There's a pang in my chest that tells me this is more than just her wanting not to get hurt this time. Tessa has changed, and there are some changes that lead me to believe she survived something unspeakable. In fact, the only person who seems to really grasp the changes in her demeanor is Sin, and that makes me worried. Because the kind of things that Sin can identify with belong only in horror novels.

Piece by piece I'm putting together a puzzle and the picture is breaking my heart. The reasons why she thinks when she tells me the truth I'm going to walk away are becoming clearer. It's not lost on me that she didn’t want to tell me back in Playa because she doesn't feel like she has any real allies there. I do believe she wants to show me Seattle. More than that though I think she wants to have backup when she does tell me this secret she thinks will have me running away.

She thinks I don't know her, there are details that I don't know, and that is on me, but I do know this girl. Sometimes I think maybe I know her better than she knows herself. I'm not sure even she knows why she's holding back from us. I do, and I need to get her there. We need to have one last fight before we can move forward together. Tonight is not the night for that though. I wouldn't wipe the smile off her face for anything.

“I got the plane tickets, but it wasn't until this moment that I realized it didn't book us a place to stay,” I admit. I've never traveled before.

Tessa laughs and it sounds free. Sheisdifferent in Seattle, I will give her that. “I live here remember?”

Not, “I lived here,” or, “I have friends here,” but a present tense statement. It makes me afraid she has no intention of going back. Maybe we are going to have more than one fight.

I exhale slowly. No, we aren't going to fight. She went through so much pain to protect me. Everything she did, was to try and make my life better. I think she even left because she thought that's what I wanted.

This time she will not put herself last, make her decisions based on what's best for me, none of that. If this is where she needs to be, then I will start packing my things. The one thing I won't do is be away from her again.

I tap my finger on the end of her nose. “Okay, townie. Where are we staying?”

She presses the screen on her phone and pulls up a ride-share app. “You'll see.”

Even at this insane hour of the morning, the traffic still sucks. We wind our way through Seattle and up into the hills. The view, even in the dark, is incredible. I can't wait to see it during the day. Eventually, the car pulls up in front of a three-story Victorian home that is a powdery blue sitting on a steep slope, yet somehow it looks like it's supposed to be here.

Tessa digs through her bag and pulls out a set of keys. She grabs my hand and tugs me up toward the door. I grab both of our bags quickly and hand the driver a tip.

“Damnit,” she curses as she struggles to find the key in the dark.

I turn on my flashlight app to help her out. “Vixen, where are we?”

She turns around with a sleepy smile on her face. “My mom's house. Isn't it cool?”

Of all the talks that we've had, somehow the most important thing has been left out. Tessa is right, there are a lot of crucial details we need to learn about each other. No matter how badly I want to get to the part where she feels like mine again, I need to earn that privilege.

“You found your mom?”

“Well.” She hesitates. “Actually, your mom did. I tried to tell you before, but you didn't want to talk about it. That awful night when you were in the hospital, I didn't just leave to leave you behind. Your mom had found out that my dad forced my mom to leave me. I knew that she would protect you. Shane said you just needed space, and that when you calmed down, he'd get you to talk to me. Everything just got so fucked up after that.”

She lets her arm fall down by her side and stops, trying to open the door. “I regret so much, but on the top of that list is not letting you know what was really going on.”

I tip her chin up. “We can't go back and undo the past. I don't blame you. You blaming yourself isn't going to help. I've gone down this road too, examining every decision I made back then, but it doesn't change anything. Even if we were to figure out who was right and who was wrong, what difference does it make? We were still apart for two years. We both did horrible things to hurt each other, me more than you. We could examine every decision we made. Every conversation we had. Sort through all of the hurt and figure out who was most to blame, but all that does is get us further away from each other to figure out who is more at fault. That doesn't bring us back together. And I'm not going to let you find more reasons to punish yourself. We have to decide to start from right now, this second. Can you do that with me?”

Instead of answering, she lifts the keys once more, finds the right one, and finally lets us in out of the relentless mist.

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Neither of ushas enough energy to explore the house once we enter. From the little I can see, it's a beautiful old Victorian, but there will be time for her to show me around tomorrow. Right now, the only thing I am interested in seeing is where I’m sleeping. I know not to suggest we share a room. In a house this size I'm assuming there's a guest room.

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