Page 45 of Pretty Broken Promises

She turns back to look at me, and I fall into an overwhelming display of agony in her brown eyes. There is a bottomless well of pain inside of them, and I hate that so much of what I see looking back at me, I put there. “I don’t understand how everything was just suddenly okay between the three of you. How is what you did, any different than what I did? How is what Sin did any different than what Raven did? Why was everything okay for the three of you, and I was the Whore of Babylon?”

I look over at Sin, and he gives me a look that says, “I told you so.”

The words just aren't coming to me. I open my mouth and close it. Several times I try to say something to explain it, but there is no explanation. The truth is we really are assholes.

“I was the one who was the most unfair to you,” Raven speaks up. “I couldn't see beyond my own pain and jealousy to see that the confidence you projected was a mask. Looking back it's so obvious that I feel like a bitch for not seeing it before.”

“You're wrong,” Sin interjects.

“Sin, I love you, and I know you like seeing the best in me, but you have to let me own this one. I was not fair to her,” she pushes back.

“Oh, I'm not disagreeing with that. I'm saying you weren't themostunfair. The truth is we all used her. The three of us are dicks. I saw that she was hurting and I took advantage of that. I used it to get her to do what I wanted, which was to help me push you away. So if anyone's the most to blame, it's me. And everybody let me off the hook within days. Even you forgave me a couple of days later, Raven. We all know that you and Ford hooked up to feel better sure, but also to get back at Tessa and I.”

Sin turns his attention to me. “You kept some pretty important information to yourself. If I had known that you were in her bed just that morning, I'm not saying I wouldn't have still done it, but I like to think I wouldn't have. You let everyone think she was the one fucking you over.”

“Yeah, and I've already told you guys what I did was fucked up, but she's the only one I'm concerned about making it up to,” I admit.

“Good, I think you should do whatever will make her feel better.” He turns to Raven, puts his hand around her throat. He guides her until her back is pressed against one of the posts of the porch.

Raven’s chest rises and falls, even from here I can see her blue eyes widen not with fear but arousal. With his other hand, he strokes the side of her hair, continuing until his knuckles brush across her cheek. Every move he makes projects his dominance and control over her, while every breath she takes shows her complete submission to him.

He continues to speak to me, as if he isn’t practically molesting his wife right in front of us. It's hot, but I'm a little worried how Tessa is going to respond to such a blatant display of control and manhandling, considering what her recent triggers are. I look down to check on her and see that she is fighting to control her breathing, and her thighs are squeezed together. She might not be able to handle my weight on top of her, but my submissive little Vixen is still in there.

Sin looks back at us and says, “Maybe instead of deciding who was at fault, we should be thinking about how to reconcile the situation that is. We can do fuck all about the past. It's over. We're never going to go back to that moment in time, so continuing to break down who did what to whom, and how we're going to assess levels of blame. It might help with validation but it's not going to fix anything.”

Tessa's hand goes up to her throat, but I relax because she's looking at Raven. She leans against me, and I wrap my arm around her waist, holding her steady.

“How were you able to feel comfortable with this?” Tessa gestures to where Sin is still holding Raven's throat.

Raven understands immediately what Tessa is asking, and even though I'm the only one she has given all the details to, I can see that Raven doesn't need them. Sin doesn't miss it either.

Raven looks up at Sin with so much trust and love, for a split second that familiar feeling of jealousy comes racing back. This time it doesn't confuse me. I immediately understand that I just want Tessa to be comfortable enough to express herself with me without fear holding her back. I want to be able to touch her without those demons looking back at me through her brown eyes. I want to be able to fulfill her fantasies without fear taking away her pleasure.

Raven’s voice interrupts my inner monologue. “It wasn't easy at first. I was afraid I would never be able to let go of what Kyle did to me.”

She bites her lip, and I remember something that makes my stomach drop. Sin was not her first consensual sexual partner. I was. I'm not sure hearing the story is going to help Tessa. The look in Raven’s eyes tells me she is wondering the same thing.

“So, how did you?” Tessa is practically begging for help, and not telling her would be cruel.

I give Raven a nod to let her know I'm okay with her continuing the story. She looks at Sin and if the tightness in his jaw is an indication, he has figured out the direction of the story as well.

“Well, this is super uncomfortable, but I'll be honest. It was because the first guy I was with that was my choice was Ford. It was just the way he reassured me that I had the power. When I did finally have the courage to talk to Sin about my feelings, I knew that not every touch was cruel.”

Raven takes a breath, and her eyes hold her husband’s. “I won't tell his story, but I will say that when we finally took that step I was able to talk to him, and he understood in a way most men don’t.”

Sin’s hand slides up the side of her face until he's cupping the back of her neck, and pulls her in for an uncomfortably passionate kiss. Right before I try to pull Tessa away so we don't have to watch them fornicate on the porch, they pull apart.

Sin drops his forehead to Raven’s, and for a moment they exist in a silent bubble where it’s clear they’re communicating even though no words are spoken.

He lifts his head and looks at Tessa. “You were around enough so you know the basics, that I wasn't always an assassin. I understand feeling like there is a filth you'll never wash off. I spent years with an unhealthy approach to sex, that's why I fought against what I felt for Raven so hard. Talking about it does help, at least when you're talking to people who can understand what you've been through.”

That is another way I can’t help her. My father, rat bastard that he is, never abused me like that. Some people on this earth are flawed, broken, and beyond weak. There are bad people in this world. Lyle Shaw is one of them, but Damien was evil.

There is a difference, perhaps it's a small nuance, but my father never sought to hurt anyone. He reacted in the moment and often felt guilty about it later. It was never his goal or intention to cause harm, he was just too fucking stupid and weak not to.

Damien on the other hand enjoyed destroying people. Sometimes it wasn't a means to an end, but the entire purpose. What he did to Sin was cruelty for the sake of a profit. He destroyed a child for entertainment and money. No matter how much abuse I’ve experienced or how much shit I've seen, it'll still never compare to the life Sin endured before Raven gave him a reason to live it.

Another thing about Sin that makes him a creepy motherfucker, he is way too perceptive, it’s almost supernatural. He's a hundred percent human, I've helped him patch up enough of his wounds to attest that the man does bleed, but if there's such a thing as a gift of extra insight, he has it.

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