Page 42 of Pretty Broken Promises

He lets go of the steering wheel and reaches out and takes my hand. “He's my best friend. I'd really like it if things weren't so tense between the two of you. Could you try for me? I'm trying to get along with Bennett.”

He has an excellent point and to my knowledge Ford has never been engaged to Shane. “When you put it that way, I will tell my face to cool it on the bitchy attitude.”

He pulls me across the bench seat and kisses the side of my head. “You're adorable. Don't change a goddamn thing for him. I love you just as you are. If Shane can't deal with a little bit of attitude, then he isn't man enough to be my best friend. Besides, he needs to meet you where you're at too. I just want you to be open to accepting his apology when he eventually makes one.”

I shrug. “I can do that.”

Ford reaches across me and opens my door. “You better go on and get out of here before I start the truck up again and steal you away. I'm already not looking forward to sleeping alone.”

I have to remind myself exactly why I am putting us through this, because he makes a good point. Sleeping alone doesn't sound like an experience that will make us grow as a couple. But I force myself to get out of the truck and go into the house. I don't turn around and wave until I'm in the doorway just in case I cave and run back to him.

* * *

The first coupleof days back I suffer from Ford withdrawals. Sleeping alone still sucks, but I am appreciating the time that I get to spend with him more because of the time we spend apart.

I try to explain it to Raven as we are heading to our one class together, but she looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“What is this slow thing you speak of? Sin and I got married a few months after we got together. If taking things slow is what feels right to you, do it. But if it doesn’t, don't force yourself to go at some speed that you think is normal. There is no normal, there's just what feels right for the two of you. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Their opinions don’t matter when it’s just you and Ford, so cut their voices out of your head,” she advises.

“People always treat us weird when they find out that his mom is married to my dad. Most of the time I don't even think about the fact that technically, he's my stepbrother. It's not like we were raised together. We were together before we even found out our parents had gotten married, and yet it's the trigger that has ended up keeping us apart,” I tell her.

“I'm going to need you to explain that,” she says.

It isn't a long drive to the community college, so I skip over some of the more menial details and fill her in on the highlights of how my dad threatened to accuse Ford of hurting his mother if I didn't break up with him. Since his mother was badly beaten by his father, and Ford had come to her rescue, leaving him with battered knuckles and obvious signs he had delivered a beating, I was terrified my father would be successful.

I finished telling her just as she's pulling into a spot in front of the building where our class is held. She turns off the car and sits back for a second, blowing out a breath. “Well, your dad sucks. Not as much as mine did, but that asshole is dead so yours is current enemy number one.”

“All that's in the past. It wouldn't have gone this far if Shane would have bothered to follow through and tell Ford why I left for Seattle or done half of the shit that I did in the first place. There's a lot of reasons that everything got this fucked up, but short of someone inventing a time machine, I just have to learn to accept things as they are, and move forward from here.”

She wears a scowl on her pretty face, her bright blue eyes burning like a blue flame. “I like Shane, but I kinda want to punch him in the nuts.”

I laugh harder than I have in days. “I frequently want to punch him in the nuts.”

“I really am sorry. You've had a really tough go and here I swoop in with my big scary problems that almost get you killed, several times, and as if that wasn't bad enough, I listened to Ford and Shane tell bullshit stories about you and believed them. I'm just really glad that we got a chance to get all of that shit behind us and not let any Y chromosomes determine what our relationship was going to be.”

“I can't believe you forgave me for sleeping with Sin at the cabin. I haven't forgiven myself. That is the singular most embarrassing, most regretful decision I've ever made. Maybe you haven't forgiven me but just decided to overlook it and I just ripped a scab off—I probably shouldn't have brought it up.” I can't stop words from just spilling out of my mouth. Then I snap my mouth closed and an awkward silence hangs around us, and the urge to flee is overwhelming.

I finally chance a look at Raven, and she seems completely unaffected. When she sees me looking, she waves off my worry. “Don't even worry about it. The way I see it, it's more like some kind of kinky thing that the four of us have gotten involved in than any kind of cheating scenario.”

I give her a funny look. “I mean I know we've swapped partners, but not intentionally and not for healthy reasons either. I'm still just sorry. I was basically an open wound, because that morning was the last time Ford and I had hooked up, and then he pretended I didn't exist. In that moment, I needed it to be over.”

She nods her head. “Knowing my husband, and how much he was trying to push me away, I am sure he swore to you that he could help you push Ford out of your head. That he could help you end it for good.”

My head is bobbing up and down as she speaks. Raven rolls her eyes. “You can stop beating yourself up now. Honestly, after Sin set it up for Ford to watch him and I having sex I don't feel like what happened between Ford and I is something that I did against Sin. Bringing him into that moment makes it feel like there is something, just a moment in time, between the three of us.”

My eyes are wide as saucers. I can't tell if I'm turned on by the idea, or horrified by it. “Ford watched you?”

Raven nods. “Yep, just sat on a bench and chatted with Sin about me. It was hot. My husband is a freak, and he really brought it that night. It was a one-time thing, but I will never forget it.”

I try not to be upset, knowing that he participated in something like that with them. Even though he was only observing, I'm still insecure when it comes to the connection he has with her. I know what he has with me is more, but these are still things he's had with other people that I might not ever be able to give him. I can’t feed this adventurous side of him, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to satisfy the dominant side of him ever again. How could I when I can't even let him be on top of me?

I'm quiet on the walk to class and on the ride back home. The longer I sit with it the harder it is for me to accept that while I was vilified, the three of them found a way to accept what happened between the four of us. Now that I am trying to put things back together and move forward with Ford, I am reminded that in many ways I'm still on the outside looking in.

I can't help but wonder if part of the reason that I keep putting the brakes on our relationship is because I don't feel like he has let me in yet. I won't have a lopsided relationship again. I've always given more, and I won't do that this time.

ChapterNineteen

FORD

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