Page 41 of Pretty Broken Promises

“I got this for you a little over two years ago. Before everything went to shit, I was hoping to ask you to go away to college with me, and for us to make sure that when we planned our lives, that we did it together. I know we didn't make sense then. Nobody would've thought to put the princess and the player together, but I can't picture my life without you, not then, and certainly not now. I know it's not fancy, but will you accept this ring as my promise to continue to work on our relationship and one day, when the ground beneath our feet is more steady, I'll drop down to one knee and switch this one for a different one.”

Her brown eyes fill with tears that I know she won't let fall. “My answer to this question and the one you will ask me one day is always going to be yes. Even when I thought I hated you, my answer would've been yes. I guess that means I never really hated you after all.”

I slide the ring on her finger. It might not be a large diamond, but this one fits us a lot better.

“Hate and love are two sides of the same feeling. I’m starting to see that when it comes to us, we are going to have our ups and downs, as long as you are willing to fight for me as hard as you fight with me, we’ll be okay.”

Tessa smiles, shakes her head, and I give her a puzzled look. “What did I say?” I ask her.

She shakes her head. “It’s just that once I thought you would fight with me, but not for me.”

I take that in. “I deserve that. You've carried the burden for us for way too long. I will fight for you, I'm going to fight you too. We are never going to have an easy relationship.”

“Who says I want easy? If wanted easy, I wouldn't be with you,” she teases.

I almost laugh, but I realize she's not completely joking. “It's when we stop fighting that there's a problem. Love, hate, anger, we can deal with that. It's apathy and indifference that we need to prevent. That's the death of a relationship.”

Her eyes are laughing at me, and she shakes her head. “I can honestly say I have never been indifferent to you. You piss me off too often for that.”

“Just trying to make sure to keep the love alive, babe.”

She closes her eyes and a shiver goes through her. “You are being such an idiot right now. Why is it making me hot?”

I pull my phone out of my pocket and quickly call up the app to order a car. “I say, don't fight it. Just go with what makes you feel good.” I wink at her.

ChapterEighteen

TESSA

The tripto Seattle was very short, and yet it transformed my entire relationship with Ford in only a couple of days. Now it’s over and coming back to reality is harder than I was anticipating. I can tell Ford feels it too when he doesn’t turn off the engine of his truck when we pull in Sin and Raven’s driveway after we get back from the airport.

For the last few days, we haven't left each other’s side, but now we’re back in Playa and facing the fact that we live separately. At least I think that's what the plan is, we haven't really talked about it. But judging by his tense body language, I think it’s safe to assume he’s wanting to bring it up now.

His thumbs tap anxiously on the steering wheel, while he gathers his thoughts. “You should come and live with me in my apartment,” he blurts out.

It isn't like I haven't thought about it. In some ways, it makes more sense than continuing to live with Sin and Raven. Ford is my boyfriend and Shane has been somewhat of a friend since high school, while I’ve known Sin and Raven for only a few months. The issue is that Shane and I haven’t exactly been on the best of terms since I left Playa the first time. I'm not sure I would classify Shane as one of my friends anymore. I appreciate that he always has Ford’s back, or at least he thinks he does, but his choices haven’t always ended up helping either Ford or me in the long run.

It probably seems silly to Ford that I want to put off moving in with him until after we leave Playa. We are going to be living together in a little less than two months, but I want to use the time we have in Playa to do this right. Ford and I never dated the first time we were together. It isn't just that I want to make sure we don't repeat past mistakes, but I also don't want to miss out on anything. The first time I was so anxious to make sure he was mine, that I rushed in blindly. Now I want to savor every moment I get with him. I've spent enough moments away that I've had plenty of time to obsess over what I would do with just one more minute with him to know how I would cherish every experience. That's why I don't want to miss any of them. I'm not in a hurry to get to the finish line. We will have a lifetime together, and I want to enjoy every stage of it.

Of course I miss him when he's not here with me, but this way I get the thrill of anticipation each time I'm getting ready for him to pick me up. These times don't last forever. Someday very soon we will be living together and there will be new experiences to treasure, but the memories we make right now I'll get to keep forever. When our kids ask us what it was like when we were dating, we will have an actual story to tell. In high school, he pretty much moved in with me, and we went from enemies to playing house.

“I'm going to take your silence to mean you're not ready yet? Does this mean you’re having second thoughts about moving in together in Seattle? I'm still coming with you, but I can get a dorm.”

I put my hand on his thigh and stop him from babbling. “No, sorry, I got lost in my head there for a second. I was just thinking to myself that I know we're not going to be here for that long, but I like the idea of us dating for a couple months. I know it might seem silly, but I'm not ready for us to live together here in Playa.”

He narrows his eyes. “Does this have anything to do with you avoiding Shane every time he comes into a room?”

One game I will never play is poker, because I do not have much of a poker face. No matter how tightly I keep my lips shut, all of my thoughts are broadcast across my face. Despite my best efforts to say nothing about how I feel about Shane right now, my face betrays everything.

Ford’s lips turn down. “You don't have to say anything. I would like for you guys to get along, but I understand why you don’t.”

I shake my head. “It isn't that we don't get along. We're perfectly cordial.” I don't miss his wince at the wordcordial,but I continue speaking as if he didn't react. “We just aren't friends like we used to be. I think at one point in time we were on our way to being pretty good friends, but he let me down, and I lost a lot of trust in him. That's a hard one for me. I don't trust easily and once I’ve lost that trust in someone I have a hard time giving it to them again.”

The moment the words are out of my mouth I want to take them back. I know he took them in a way I didn't mean them when he squeezes the steering wheel, and I watch his knuckles turn white.

His voice is low and gravely when he speaks. “It is possible though, right? Tell me I'm not fighting a losing battle, Tessa.”

“I didn't mean you. You aren't fighting a losing battle. I don't even think that it's a fight anymore. You won the fight, and now we're working on this together. You can't really compare the situation with Shane, and the one between you and I. I'm not nearly as motivated to forgive Shane as I am with you.”

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