Page 68 of Pretty Broken Things

“We both know most of what he said is bullshit. I know he’s the one doing the pushing. What you did last night is shitty, but I understand it. I think deep down he does too. He wants to like Alice, but you were right, he doesn’t love her.”

This time I turn around. “He might not, yet, but he doesn’t love me either. You don’t treat someone you love the way he treats me. I’m throwing in the towel. He doesn’t want me here, and so I’m going to leave.”

He grabs my arm as I go to move past him. “He needs you.”

I yank my arm free. “Yeah, as an emotional punching bag. It’s like he said, sometimes you have to let go of something if all it does is hurt. This is me letting go.”

ChapterThirty

Tessa

I spendthe next few days curled in the fetal position, alone in my apartment. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve heard from Tracy or Lydia. No one comes to check on me. I knew I’d be cast aside by the group, but I didn’t realize how bad it would hurt.

There’s a loud banging on the door of the apartment, but I can’t think of a single person I’d actually care to speak to. None that would be banging on the door at least.

I hear the sound of metal scraping against metal, then my doorknob jingles. Maybe Tracy or Lydia have finally returned from wherever they’ve been. It would be nice to have someone here who genuinely cares about me.

“This will not do,” Benji says from my doorway.

I smile for the first time in days. “Hey you,” I croak. It’s first sounds I’ve made in days as well.

He shakes his head at me. “Okay, let’s get you up and in the shower. Then we’re going to start packing. I’m not asking you again to come home. I’m demanding that you do.”

I let him pull me out of the bed. When he steps back, my head swims, and I start to sink to the floor. Benji jumps forward and holds me up before my knees hit the floor. When his hands are on my waist he cocks his head to the side. “You’re all bones, when’s the last time you ate?”

I shrug. I have no idea. The truth is when I told Shane I was throwing in the towel, I wasn’t just talking about my relationship with Ford. I couldn’t summon the strength to keep hanging on.

“If I ever see that fucker I’m going to knock his ass out,” Benji threatens.

I pat him on the chest. Benji isn’t weak by any means, but Ford has a good forty or fifty pounds of muscle on him. They’re both athletes, but Benji is a track star at the University of Washington, he’s not used to taking hits like Ford does in football.

“Can you stand long enough to shower?” He’s radiating concern, and it soothes something inside of me to have someone worry about me. To care enough to be concerned.

I nod, and it makes the room spin a little, but him being here makes me feel stronger.

“Okay, I’m going to make you something to eat.” He goes into the kitchen, and I hear cabinets opening and closing. I almost shout out to tell him there’s no food here, but that will take some of the precious energy I have left.

When I come out of the shower, I have to admit it feels good to be clean for a change. Benji has suitcases laid out on my bed. “There’s food on the table. I ordered takeout. I guess I don’t really have to ask when the last time you ate is, because there’s nothing in the fridge and the cabinets have some crackers and dust. The trash can is empty so I know the food isn’t gone because you’ve been binging.”

There’s practically a buffet spread out on the table. Pastries, eggs, bacon, waffles, and hash browns. I know I’ve been out of it, but it’s at least after noon.

“I figured if you haven’t eaten in days, it’ll be easier to consume carbs to get your blood sugar to normal. There’s orange juice too, make sure you drink some.”

I’m not going to piss him off when he came all this way to take care of me. I take a seat at the table and start picking at a waffle while he starts emptying my closet and drawers. I could fight him, but I have nothing left here. There’s no reason not to follow him back to Seattle.

* * *

Two Months Later

I’d like to say that moving back to Seattle solved all my problems, but I am done lying to myself. I basically had to start over from scratch. Once again I spent a lot of time sitting outside in the rain staring at the mountains, only this time my mom was still overseas with work, and Tracy was nowhere to be found.

Benji doesn’t let me wallow for long. He starts dragging me out on the weekends, and introducing me to his friends. I hold back at first. For so long I’ve been the villain, and I keep expecting them to look at me with suspicion like Jen and Amber often did. Alice and I weren’t really friends, and of all of them, she’s the only one with any valid reason not to like me. However, she and Jackson weren’t together yet, had never been together, while I’d been with Ford the morning we left for the cabin. Not that she knew that.

Any time I feel myself growing nostalgic for the early days with Ford, I pull up a picture I took at the cabin. I’m not sure why I took it, but I’m glad I have it now. It’s of Ford and Alice looking lovingly at each other. His hand is in her hair, and it looks like they’re about to kiss.

Benji comes up behind me in our apartment and snatches my phone out of my hand. “I don’t know why you continue to torture yourself with this picture.”

I shake my head. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

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