Page 44 of Pretty Broken Things

She looks down at her lap and I can see the shame in her demeanor. It’s not a new look for her. I’ve seen it every time she made excuses for my father after one of his drunken tirades. Every time she asked me to apologize to him to keep the peace. Why couldn’t she see she traded one abuser for another?

I already know what her answer is going to be, but I still maliciously want to force her to admit it. “He can give us a life we couldn’t have in Jefferson Park,” she finally whispers.

My lips purse while I’m trying to hold myself back from saying all the things I’m thinking. I’m not very good at biting my tongue. “He can give you things, sure. You’ll have a better neighborhood, a fancier house, but you’ll never have peace. You’re still going to have to walk on eggshells to keep him happy. Wendell is capricious and selfish. You’ll never know what is going to disappoint him, and you’re always going to fear how he’ll react to his disappointment. That is not a better life.”

She exhales, and it speaks volumes. Once again my mother is going to make excuses for a man. I can practically hear them in my head before she says a word. “He works so hard. You just don’t understand how much pressure he’s under,” she says, confirming what I imagined she’d say.

“Of course, Mom,” I say. Like always she doesn’t pick up on my sarcasm, and beams up at me. Also like always, my irritation softens seeing her smile.

She clasps her hands in front of her. “You’ll stay here, with me, won’t you?”

I groan. The last thing I wanted to do was stay in this house, seeing Tessa every day and not being able to be with her. Yet, saying no to my mother, doing anything to make her unhappy, is something I’ve never been able to do. The fact is, for years I’ve seen myself as her protector. That night a week ago reinforced that role for me. No matter how hard being here is for me, I’m not sure I can leave her here alone.

I’m nodding my agreement before I’ve even really accepted that I’m going to stay. My mom squeals in delight though, and I resign myself to giving this set up a real shot. “Can you show me to my room?”

She claps her hands, and not for the first time she reminds me of a little girl. Maybe it’s how I’ve grown to feel I need to look out for her that has made me start to see her like that. “I’m sure Tessa will show you. She’s a sweet girl. You probably already know that since you go to school together. She’ll help you get set up, if that will be okay. I’m not quite myself yet.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom, I can figure it out.” I might agree to stay here, but for my sanity, I needed to figure out what the fuck was really going on with Tessa. I didn’t believe for a moment she would choose money over us.

Somehow, I need to use this turn of circumstance to make her talk to me.

* * *

Another week passeswith me growing increasingly frustrated. Living in this house doesn’t offer the same comfort it had before our parents showed up. Yeah, it has all the amenities you could possibly want, but the one thing that made this place feel like home, Tessa, is glaringly absent.

I catch glimpses of her from time to time, but she makes sure those times are brief and rare. If I walk into the kitchen while Tessa is in there, she gets up to leave. When I find her watching television in the movie room, she leaves without a word. It isn’t much different at school either.

The only time I can pin her down is in English class. That doesn’t mean she’ll talk to me. Her stubbornness would be impressive if she weren’t blocking me every time I try and approach her. I try to speak to her in class, but she somehow manages to convince one of the guys she used to hang out with to sit in my usual seat. Even my most menacing look doesn’t make him move. I’m losing my touch, because of her. This is what she does to me.

When the bell rings I get up to follow her. I’m as persistent as she is stubborn in seems. Before I catch up to her, Shane surprises me by putting me in a headlock and dragging me in the opposite direction. “You need to stop following after her like a puppy and focus on the game. There’s a scout coming, and you need that scholarship. This shit with Tessa will work out in due time, but now isn’t the time to worry about what’s going on with her.”

My eyes narrow. “All week you’ve been telling me to leave her alone. You know what she is for me, and how hard it is for me to even admit that. What makes you think I can just let her go?”

His light blue eyes glisten with empathy and understanding, and it freaks me the fuck out. We don’t do this touchy-feely bullshit. “I’m not asking you to let her go. Just give her some space. You need to have some faith in her, and let her come to you in her own time to explain everything.”

“That’s almost the same thing she’s said to me a couple of times. What do you know?”

He looks away. As good as he is at fooling most people, I have always been able to see right through him. “I just think you’re losing sight of the plan. Tessa is going to be taken care of no matter what, but you aren’t really part of their world. You might have the zip code for now, but you’ll be out on your ass if you fuck up even a little.”

I nod. I know most of what he’s telling me is the truth, even if he is holding something back. It’s not like Wendell has exactly hidden the fact he doesn’t like me. Unless my mom is around of course. Then he’s all fake smiles and playing the part of father of the year. My mom believes the façade, and I’m on my own.

I try to take his advice. For a few days I’m able to keep my head down, focus on my classes and practice. Tessa keeps ignoring me, but I’ve stopped hanging on her every move. Still, sometimes I catch her looking at me. She looks away when I do, but not before I notice the longing in her dark eyes. Maybe Shane is right and giving her space will bring her back to me.

For him, and the other Parkers on the team, I push everything aside and concentrate. They’re all relying on me to lead the team to another win. The team we’re playing tonight has only lost a single game, and they’re easily the toughest competition we’ve been up against this season. We’re still undefeated, but that just gives them more motivation to even up our records. All of the guys have been working their assess off to get here, and I know that for the Parkers on the team, they need me at my best. This game might be their last chance to get noticed by one of the scouts in the stands and get a scholarship.

This game is unlike any of the others we’ve played all season. From the moment the other team lands the kickoff as far back on the field as possible without putting us in the end zone, it’s clear we’re going to be on the defense more than we like. They have an answer to every play I call, making it clear that they have studied my game. Even if they watch every game tape from this season, there’s no way they should know some of the plays we try and run. There were a few Coach Greer held back specifically for the playoffs. They have either been watching us at practice, or managed to get their hands on one of our playbooks.

With less than a minute to go before halftime, we’re at fourth down and two touchdowns behind. Coach is pushing me to play it safe, totally out of the norm for him. He didn’t earn the name Coach Hard-Ass by being cautious. This only rattles me more. He knows I play more by instinct than strategy, and suddenly he’s asking me to be a totally different player. There’s logic in it, I guess, because if I start behaving differently it might be enough to throw the other team off. The problem is, it’s hard to overhaul my mindset on the fly.

We aren’t a team known for playing it safe. All season we’ve played like we live, as if we have nothing to lose. With the exception of a few guys from Ocean Bluff most of the team is from our side of the tracks. For all their money and private coaching, no one can take a hit like a kid who grew up knowing nothing else. We play each game like it could be our last, because that’s how we approach everything.

Most of us are silent in the locker room. If we lose this game, our season is over. I don’t know if I will get offered a scholarship if we lose, but my chances are still decent even without this win. That’s not true for most of the other guys. They need the scouts in the stands to see them succeed tonight. There’s no college savings or trust funds to help us get out of our personal hell on earth.

That’s just another distinction between the Parkers and the Ocean Bluff players. The biggest prick from their side is Blair. He’s a future frat boy douchebag who only joined the team to fulfill the cliché of a popular jock. He’s never been super dedicated to the team. He practices just enough to get to wear his letterman jacket, but otherwise spends most of his time on the bench. Most of the time he’s flirting with cheerleaders, and planning his next party.

While the rest of us are regrouping, he’s grinning like an idiot. “What’s the problem, Shaw? Is your game suffering because Jace stole your girl? Well, I guess he got his girl back. Not the best time to develop feelings, my guy,” Blair taunts.

“Shut the fuck up,” Shane hisses. “Are you trying to do the other team’s work for them?”

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