Page 22 of Pretty Broken Things

After a small eternity we finally part, both of us breathing hard. There is so much to say, but the words evaporate between us. Maybe we don’t have to analyze everything to death. Some things should just happen organically.

“Do you want to go inside?” I ask him, breaking the awkwardness stretching between us.

He doesn’t say anything for a painfully long moment. My heart sinks when he takes a step back. “I don’t think we should.”

“Oh,” I say, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Yeah, I guess I misread—You know what, never mind. I’m going to go inside and change.”

I turn to lift myself out of the pool, but he grabs my elbow and pulls me back down. His large hands cup my face. “It’s not what you’re thinking. I don’t do relationships.”

“Noted,” I reply curtly. I try and back away, but he’s got me trapped.

His eyes close, and he drops his forehead to mine. I wait for him to speak while his breath fans across my face. The only sound to leave him is a pained growl and he kisses me softly.

I pull back. “You’re confusing me, Ford.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I don’t want to rush this. That’s what I meant. All I’ve ever had with girls is sex. They use me as much as I use them. I want more with you. That’s why I don’t want to take this inside, because my self-control isn’t very strong when it comes to you.”

“Who says I want you to control yourself?” I ask.

“I won’t forever, trust me.” He smirks at me, and if I were the type to swoon, I’d need smelling salts now. Whatever those are.

“Can we at least get out of the pool? I’m tired of being wet,” I complain.

That damn smirk reappears. “You should get used to it. Just because I’m not dragging up upstairs right now doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep you wet and needy until I do.”

I swallow, hard. “So, is this a revenge plan? Make me fall for you and torture me with sexual frustration?”

His lips twitch, and I know he wants to laugh at me. “Are you falling for me, Contessa?”

I scowl. “Not when you call me that.”

Ford is a sadist. He has to be, because he ups his torture by kissing my shoulder and trailing his lips up my neck. I shiver in his arms, but it has nothing to do with the cooler breeze blowing in as the sun sinks behind the mountains. When he reaches just under my ear he whispers. “Answer the question, Tess. Are you falling for me?”

“I’m trying not to,” I admit. He’s not the only one who’s scared of commitment. The only guys I’ve ever been in a relationship with before, all two of them, were guys I knew I’d never fall for. When Jace cheated on me, I walked away with my heart intact, because I never gave it to him in the first place. The only thing he hurt was my pride. Ford could decimate me if he wanted to.

“Stop,” he breathes in my ear. “Take a chance on me. Be the only person who sees me, all of me, and chooses me anyway. Let me be the same for you.”

“Don’t hurt me, please,” I say quietly.

He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I can’t promise you that. We’re two broken people, and neither of us can know if our jagged edges will cut the other. The only thing I can promise you is that I’ll try, and I’ll never lie to you.”

His words shouldn’t reassure me. Any other guy would throw pretty words at me, and hope I believe them. Ford is raw and honest, but at least I know the deal going into this. My eyes are open. Yeah, I still think this is going to hurt. Like he said, we’re both broken, and I don’t know if we have the skills to love without hurting the other, but I know down to my core that if I walk away from him now I’ll always regret it.

Pain isn’t a new concept. Being abandoned by someone who swears to love you isn’t either. If my parents could walk away from me, I know that someday Ford will too, but I also don’t have it in me to stop this from happening.

“I guess that will have to be good enough. I’d still like to get out of the pool though. Do you think we could watch a movie, or is the living room also a danger zone?”

“You know we’re just going to make out the whole time,” he says.

“Oh, I think I can keep my hands to myself,” I counter.

I totally can’t, but I never promised not to lie. At least not white lies. A girl has to keep some secrets for herself.

“Wear a lot of clothes. And do your hair in one of those messy buns,” he demands.

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, you’ll still think I’m hot even wearing sweats.”

“Maybe Shane and Lydia will join us. We need chaperones,” he says seriously.

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