Page 86 of Pretty Broken Things

Tessa sighs. “That’s not true, because I don’t really think very highly of myself, especially now. But, I can hold myself together for this.”

I’m not sure if she’s reassuring us, or herself.

* * *

True to her word,she pulls herself together, at least when the others are around. I don’t know how I didn’t notice before how much effort she put into playing the role I cast her in. I just can’t figure out why she would let my pain dictate her behavior.

Everyone is watching us, waiting for the inevitable moment we combust. I’m quiet, because I don’t know what to say to her. The only time she’s willing to look at me or speak to me is when everyone is around. When it’s just the two of us, or even when Jen and Shane are around, she shuts down.

The only time she shows anything real is when she’s speaking to that perfect asshole, Bennet Richards. Yeah, I looked him up, and I think I hate him more now than I did before. I’m not intimidated by his looks, because I’m no slouch myself. That’s not me being arrogant. Experience has proven to me that women find me attractive. But this douche is good-looking, loaded, an Olympic hopeful, and apparently a philanthropist. If he has a flaw, I can’t find it. He even treats Tessa better than I ever have from what I’ve seen.

If I was a better person I’d let her go and be happy. I don’t want to make her miserable, at least not anymore, but I don’t know if I can let her go. Each minute that passes gets us closer to that inevitable crossroads. She says she’s leaving once this is over, and I know if I don’t find a reason to make her want to stay she’ll always be my biggest regret.

The night before we’re set to spring the trap to catch Jesse, I try to make her speak to me. There’s a few things that have been gnawing at me since the first night she stayed here, and now might be all the time we have left.

I knock on the door to Ted’s bedroom. Every time she shuts herself in there I’m anxious she’s hurting herself or worse. Of course she doesn’t answer when I knock, she barely makes a sound when everyone else is gone. I give her enough time to cover herself if needed, but since she refuses to speak, I have no choice but to let myself in. That one second between opening the door and seeing she’s still breathing is the most anxious I think I’ll ever feel.

This time when I enter she looks up at me. “I kinda figured you’d want to talk before the gym opening tomorrow night.”

I sit down at the foot of the bed. “You didn’t go to Jesse, did you?”

She shakes her head.

“I want to know what happened. How did you end up with him?”

Tessa rubs her hands on her jeans, and drops her eyes. “You won’t like what you hear,” she says quietly.

“Tell me anyway,” I insist. I expect her to say any number of things that would make her still somehow complicit in what Jesse and Kyle tried to do to Raven.

“Did any of you happen to notice Tracy and Lydia disappeared some months ago?”

Not where I expect her to start, but I answer her. “Tracy takes off all the time. She’ll call or come by when she’s ready. And Lydia hasn’t been around as much since Shane and Jen got together.”

“Well, it bothered me. Tracy hasn’t taken off like that since she came up to Seattle. I tried to call both of them over and over without luck. I asked around some of the people Tracy and I know in Seattle, but no one had seen or heard from her. Then one day out of the blue I get a call from Tracy. Lydia had gotten involved with who I now know was Kyle. Tracy went to try and convince her to leave, but they wouldn’t let either of them go. Tracy said if I came there and helped distract Sin so Kyle could talk to Raven they’d let them go.”

I rub my temples. “I can’t believe you fell for something that stupid.”

“Good, because I didn’t,” she says with a hint of irritation in her voice.

“Then, how—”

“How did I end up there? Why didn’t I ask for help?” She laughs and it sounds exhausted and a little bitter.

“Yeah, if you’d have called one of us, let us know what was happening, we could have gotten in front of it.”

“Would you have risked your safety or anyone else’s to go save Tracy and Lydia?”

“I’m sure I would have done something. I wouldn’t let them stay there and be tortured. You should have at least trusted me enough to know I’d help them.”

Her eyebrow curves up. “Exactly how was I supposed to get ahold of you?” She grabs her phone, and shows me her dialing my number. She hits send, and the call doesn’t go through.

A drunken memory pushes to the front of my brain. I rarely drink, and almost never to excess, but that night I got lit. Despite the fact that she hadn’t called me, I decided to block her number. It was my way of symbolically proving I was over her. It didn’t work, and apparently put everyone in danger.

She waves her hand dismissively. “Don’t take all of it on yourself. I called Shane after you, and he refused to speak to me. I guess I could have called Jen or Amber, but I was afraid they might do something half cocked and run in there themselves, then you’d all really hate me.”

Then you’d all really hate me, she says this as if we already do hate her a little. I did this, pushed her to the side to protect myself. I clear my throat, and push those thoughts away. Now isn’t the time for self-pity, it’s time for answers. “Okay, so you didn’t go to him, but you still ended up there. So what happened?”

Her fists clench, and I realize she’s digging her nails into the palms of her hand. I reach out to stop her, and she practically flies back to keep me from touching her.

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