Page 65 of Pretty Broken Things

Tracy chuckles. “Not only does he not expect more, he doesn’t want it.”

“Is he gay?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “No, he’s very heterosexual. It’s just that he sees her like his little sister. I set them up a few months after I got there. I met him at this funky coffee shop, and after talking to him, I knew they’d be perfect together. I thought he’d help her get over you. They went on one date, and instead of getting hot and heavy, they decided they were platonic soulmates or some shit.”

“I don’t buy it,” I scoff.

She shrugs. “I frankly don’t give a shit. In fact, maybe I’ll join Ben in trying to convince her to go back to Seattle. He’d be a good roommate for her, and maybe proximity will cure them of this weird pseudo sibling thing they have and they can ride off into the sunset together. God knows she deserves more than what you’re willing to give her.”

And for the second time tonight one of my oldest friends turns and walks away from me. I’m losing all of them, and I can’t seem to stop myself from pushing them away.

ChapterTwenty-Nine

Tessa

I tryand keep my composure as I’m walking out of the storage closet. I know my hair looks wild, my dress is rumpled and crooked no matter how many times I try and fix it. Still, I hold my head up as I weave my way through the crowd, even though all I want to do is sink to my knees and cry.

Benji sees me and pushes his way through the sea of people to get to me. My lip quivers seeing him, and I know I’ve got seconds before I lose it. He puts his arm around my shoulders, and tucks me against his side. I grab onto his shirt and hold on to him like I’ll disappear if he lets me go.

“Shh, Tessie, I’ve got you. I’ll always have your back. Just hang on until we get out of here. I’ll take you back to my hotel, and give you one of my t-shirts. It’ll be just the two of us,” he comforts me.

I repeat the words in my head over and over to make it out of the club without embarrassing myself further by crying. Ford Shaw will never see me cry ever again.

* * *

Why didn’tI go back to Seattle with Benji?That thought runs through my head at least once a day. He pushed hard for me to go back with him after we went back to his hotel room, but something inside me wouldn’t let me leave.

No where to run, Tess. I know how much you like to play rabbit.Ford’s words play on an endless loop in my head every time I think about giving up and going back to Seattle. No doubt leaving would have been the best thing for me, but even though he continues to cut me I can’t seem to let him go.

The night at the club seems like yesterday, but it’s been almost a year. So much has happened and yet nothing has changed at all. Jen and I have grown close. Turns out we have more in common than having slept with Ford. She’s sweet but has a mamma bear side that makes me feel honored to be considered a friend. It doesn’t hurt that she and Shane have moved past the flirting phase, and have been officially together for almost a year. Her friend Amber took a bit longer for me to get to know because she’s really shy, but she brings a calmness to our group we desperately need. It helps she seems to be terrified of Ford. I catch her making eyes at Teddy though, and I would applaud her on her choice if the attention wouldn’t cause her to have an anxiety attack.

Tracy has taken off again. I’m not even sure which guy she’s following around now, the only thing that’s different is that Lydia went with her. To say I feel abandoned is putting it lightly. They are still sending me their part of the rent so they will have a place to come back to, but that means I live alone now.

Something Ford finds very convenient. I’m not sure why I keep letting him in. By now he has to know how I feel, how I’ve always felt. Every time he leaves I die a little inside to the point I am turning into the ice cold bitch everyone in high school accused me of being.

It’s worse now since his new neighbors moved in. I’ve seen how he watches her. It’s different than the other girls he hooks up with when he’s not with me. In a lot of ways she’s like Jen. There’s something pure and innocent about her. It’s what he found in me when he dared to look beneath the popular girl image I portrayed. I’m losing him, and I don’t really even have him.

I feel like he is still punishing me for leaving him that horrible night. It’s been a little over two years and he can’t let it go. Worse, with Tracy and Lydia gone, he’s been free to rewrite history to make me out to be the bad guy. Shane hasn’t kept his word in the slightest. Every time Ford tells people I push him away, that we were never really together, he keeps his mouth shut. Now he’s the only one that knows the truth. Worse, I think Ford actually believes I’m the one keeping us apart.

I feel the bed move as he climbs out of it, and I roll away from him. He doesn’t say anything, just gets dressed and leaves. He always leaves right after now. The love we once had is gone, I know it, but it’s been hard to accept. I have to do something to cut him out of my heart, because he’s just festering in there and it’s slowly killing me.

The night Benji hurried me out of the club I promised myself Ford would never see me cry. It’s not always an easy promise to keep. I have to bite my lip to hold everything inside until I hear the door close. When I hear the click, I can finally let it out. All the desolation and the loneliness pours out of me with each body wracking sob. I cry until no sound comes out, and I’m a shaking, snotty, blotchy mess.

I reach for my phone, and call the one person I know will never let me down.

“Tessie?” Benji’s groggy voice greets me.

“Yeah,” I croak. I don’t have to say anything else. He knows everything, even the stuff I didn’t want to tell him, but he’s my person.

“When are you going to stop letting him use you? He’s got most of those assholes you think are your friends, convinced that you’ve been jerking him around for the last few years. Tracy and Lydia have abandoned you there. Don’t you think it’s time you come home? Playa isn’t your home anymore.”

“Why can’t I be in love with you?” I’ve wondered about how cruel fate is more than once, but it would have been wonderful if I could have loved him.

Benji is the perfect man. He’s tall, built like a swimmer, and has a face that makes a girl want to sin. But he’s so much more than his physical beauty. His heart is bottomless, and the girl who manages to snag it better deserve him.

“Life would be so perfect if we were meant for each other. Believe me, I’ve tried to see you that way. Especially lately. I’d love to save you from all of this heartache, but I think you’re going to have to save yourself.”

“How do I do that, Benji?”

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