Page 4 of The Merger

“Jana said she asked you to join her, and you told her you were busy?”

Taking a deep breath I prepared myself to tell Colt I was seeing Malcolm. If we were going to stand a chance as a couple, it would only be if we didn’t hide our relationship.

“Malcolm asked me to lunch, but I told him I was busy in meetings with you.”

Colt frowned. “I know he’s your friend. You don’t have to hide that just because I don’t like him.” He scratched the side of his head, messing up his dark, wavy hair. “I thought we were getting closer. You know you can talk to me, don’t you?”

I smiled, a tiny curve of my lips, but I still ducked my head to hide my reaction. He was right, we had grown closer. I placed the credit for that on the shoulders of his wife. Prior to their relationship Colt and I existed in a half space where we were friends with familial connections. Now I saw him as more of a brother than I did growing up.

Thanks to Jana we spent more time together. It was a blessing and a curse. He was more observant now. All the things I’d hidden from him over the years, my loneliness because of my difficulty connecting to people and especially my fear of failure. He’d started pushing me to want more, which was my curse. Wanting more was never my problem, it was the fear I’d reach for it and find it still out of my grasp.

I cleared my throat. I was the fun one. Light-hearted Sabrina, never too serious. All of it was a front. When everyone saw you as happy, no one looked too deep below the surface. Showing emotion was a flag that garnered more attention than I was comfortable with.

“We have gotten closer.” I wrung my hands in my lap. “Malcolm and I started seeing each other.”

I looked up at him where he was still standing in the doorway. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, but I watched him swallow the words he clearly wanted to say.

After pausing for a moment, he crossed the room and sat in one of the chairs by my desk. “And he’s treating you right?”

I nodded.

Colt knocked his knuckles against my desk. “Good. I don’t need another reason to kick his ass, but it’s good to have one not to. Jana would prefer I stay out of jail.”

“How is everything? I’ve barely seen either of you since you came back from opening Evie’s foundation.”

His smile widened, hinting at dirty secrets I didn’t want the details of. “It’s been fantastic.” He pointed at my face. “I see that look. I’ll spare you the details, but I will say if you’re missing seeing us, why did you turn down Jana’s invitation? Or better, why did you turn down Malcolm when he asked you to lunch?”

Bullseye. Further proof Colter was finally looking beyond my façade. I sighed. “Real answer?”

He chuckled. “That would be great for a change. I think we’ve all let you pretend everything is perfectly fine for way too long.”

“Stupid happy people have way too much time on their hands,” I grumbled under my breath.

Colt’s smile slipped. “No, we just weren’t paying attention to you the way we should have. And you were happy to let me. I was too caught up in my own problems, and you were too willing to shove Waverly under my nose any time I wasn’t. Now I see I paid attention to the wrong sister for so long, there’s no ignoring that anymore.”

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on my desk, and I knew I wasn’t going to get out of it this time. “Give it to me straight, Brina. Why did you really tell him you were busy?”

“Because even with him I still don’t feelit,” I admitted.

“It?”

I sighed. This sounded stupid in my own head, but I could see Colt wasn’t going to let me off the hook. “The spark. I just keep waiting for that moment that takes my breath away.”

I looked away. “It’s silly, just ignore me.”

“It’s not silly. The first time I saw Jana I found myself rubbing the center of my chest. There was an ache I didn’t understand. I found myself pissing her off just to get her attention. Anything to make her focus on me for just a minute. I still feel that way, only I’m trying to piss her off less and scream my name more.”

I covered my ears. “You’re bordering on too much information.”

Colter chuckled for a second before becoming serious once again. “Just because you’ve known Malcolm practically your entire life doesn’t mean he’s the one for you. There are many kinds of love in the world, and you can’t force one kind to change into another just because you want it to.”

His words sank to the bottom of my soul. Was that what I was doing? Trying to force myself to feel something that wasn’t there and never would be?

“It’s more than that. I can’t explain it, but something changed in me several years back and I’m not sure what. I feel like I’m missing an important puzzle piece but I don’t know what shape it is.” I waved the thought away. “I’m not making any sense.”

“Don’t hide away from us just because you are avoiding him, yeah?”

I nodded. “I won’t.”

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