Page 86 of The Acquisition

"It'll be easier than the mess you've made of your life, I can promise you that," Beck said.

"Have you heard from her?" I asked in a moment of weakness.

Beck shook his head. "Evie has though. They've been working on starting a foundation in Jenny's name."

I hung my head. "I know Evie wanted to do something. I'm glad she's honoring her mother like that."

He scowled. "I don't think you understand. It's not an honor. Jenny failed Evie over and over again. Evie feels guilt she wasn't able to help her, but she was a child."

Thinking of all the years Evie suffered having a sick mother, how Jenny suffered with her illness made me feel sick. If anyone failed them, it was me. I left them both to that fate. Sure, I didn't know, but I clearly didn't try hard enough to find her.

"Jenny was sick. If only I had found her earlier—"

"Nothing would have been different," Beck stated.

I turned away from him, until he shouted my name. "You need to hear this. If you'd have found Jenny before she took her own life. While your little girl was alone with her, remember. What would have been different?"

I'd thought about this many times. "I could have got her help. She wouldn't have been alone with her demons. I have money, and she would have had the best care."

"Evie's grandmother worked extra shifts to get her daughter treatment. She educated herself and made sure her daughter had state insurance and access to counseling. She was never alone with her demons, and she still chose to run off for months on end. You. Would. Not. Have. Been. Enough."

"Just because your first girlfriend wouldn't accept help doesn't mean it would have been the same with Jenny," I argued. It was a low blow. He'd been through the ringer with his ex who refused all efforts to help her get better.

It was hell watching him live all the ups and downs as he tried to be there with her. She cheated on him constantly, and I watched him turn into a shell of the person he was before they met. It wasn't until Evie came into his life that I started to see the Beckett I remembered.

"It would have been exactly the same," he insisted.

I slammed the bottle in my hand down on the counter. "You can't possibly know that!"

"The hell I can't!" he yelled back. "She wouldn't have done a damn thing differently if you'd been there. And before you ask how I know, it's because Evie wasn't enough for her to try and get better. Mental illness is hard to live with, sometimes I wonder if it's even harder for the families. There are some people who fight back and get better. Others, no one and nothing motivates them to accept help. The families never seem to know why."

He dropped down into the chair I vacated. "There's not a damn thing in this world I wouldn't do for Gracie. Anything to stay with her, protect her. If I needed to get help for that, I'd do it. Jenny had that choice, and if Evie wasn't enough for her to make it, nothing ever would have been."

I sank down to the ground. The weight of the truth finally breaking through and breaking me down. Even though I hadn't found Evie until she was an adult, that connection, the drive to protect her from everything was there from the moment I laid eyes on her. Beck was right, if Jenny hadn't gotten help for Evie, she never would have done it for me.

* * *

Time continued to trudge along slowly. Jana had been gone for six weeks without a word.

Well, that's not true. I stared at the envelope delivered not even an hour ago. It sat on top of my coffee table where I dropped it. Opening would make it real. There was no doubt about the contents. I'd been waiting for them even while I'd hoped she wouldn't send them.

Inside that innocuous looking envelope were divorce papers just waiting for me to sign away any hope Jana would ever come back to me.

A knock on the door made me groan. Unannounced visitors weren't exactly lucky for me today.

I forced myself to go to the door and open it.

"Hey, dad," Evie said smiling at me. Her eyes scanned me and she frowned. "You don't look so great, so I'll save us both and won't ask you how you've been."

"I'm happy to see you, but why did you drop by?"

Evie dropped another envelope on my table. "That's an invitation to the opening of the charity in Coalville. I've also got the headstone you paid for ready to be installed on Mom's grave. I want you to be there with me."

I wrapped my arms around her. This was something I could do for both of them. Maybe I'd find a way to let Jenny go once and for all.

"Dad, I need to warn you," she paused.

I loved how easily she called me that now, but I hated that my recent behavior made her cautious around me.

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