Page 83 of The Acquisition

"Do you think Evie is going to forgive you for taking her best friend away? Let's face it, big brother, you've never gotten over Evie's mom. I thought you were devoted to me, that I was enough family for you. It's always just been the two of us. I thought that was why you'd never settled down, but that wasn't why. It was her. And if you continue this charade with Jana, she's going to get hurt, because she'll always come last. It might not be me you come running for, but she'll always be behind your daughter, your granddaughter, and the ghost of your first love."

THIRTY-ONE

JANA

She'll always come last.

Waverly's words bounced around in my head, knocking loose all the dreams I was starting to have for my marriage. The truth was, I wanted a once in a lifetime love.

Funny, because I never let myself get close to anyone. Evie was the first real friend I ever had. Someone who didn't want to spend time with me because of my last name or the zeros in my bank account.

Still, I risked the gift of her friendship for a chance at having more. It seemed that risk was for nothing. I threw it away for a man trying to assuage his loneliness. Not once had he professed his love for me. Because no matter my broken heart, Colter was a good man.

No, he didn't offer me empty promises. He wanted a companion, someone to pass his days and warm his bed. His heart was never part of the bargain, and he didn't ask for mine.

I was to blame for the heartache I felt right then. From the very beginning I knew about Jenny. I watched Colt mourn the woman he'd loved and lost. She'd been gone for fifteen years, but to him the wound was fresh.

Maybe he'd love again someday. Once he came to terms with the fact the future he'd hoped to have was impossible. Perhaps then he'd be able to open his heart and love again.

But it wouldn't be me. I knew myself. My limitations were many, and the biggest was after I was hurt I retreated. Life had taught me the futility of chasing after affection. My parents, Malcolm, and all the men who came after showed me I was the one you leave.

This time, I'd leave first. I wouldn't batter myself against the gates of a heart closed to me. I would not come last to myself.

"Are you leaving without saying hi?" a voice startled me out of my head.

I turned around and stared into the piercing blue eyes of my best friend's husband.

"I didn't want to interrupt family time," I murmured. It was hard to mask the pain in my voice.

"Jana, you are family to us. When Evie had no one, she found you. I know how easy it is to shut yourself off, to feel nothing when it all becomes too much. I'm begging you to fight against that urge. Just come up and see her."

I smiled, and I knew it looked genuine. I'd had years of hiding my feelings from everyone. He was right though. I needed to go see Evie. She'd done nothing wrong. I wouldn't come between her and her father, but I owed her at least a goodbye.

"I'll be right there," I promised.

I took a moment to settle myself and steel my nerves before I saw my best friend for the last time.

"You came," Evie greeted me when I stepped into her room.

Another fake smile even though inside I was splitting apart. When I left this room I'd be alone again. Only now I knew what it was like to have family, even if it was temporary.

"Of course. Sorry I wasn't here earlier."

Evie blinked. "Don't do it, Jana."

My face hurt with the effort to hold the smile I feared looked more like a grimace. "Do what?"

She shook her head. "I know you're married to my father."

"I'm sorry you found out that way. I wanted to tell you."

"But you didn't." She stared down at her lap and picked at the fibers of her blanket.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to betray your trust." It was a weak apology. She deserved so much more from me, but it was all I had.

"You hurt me," she whispered.

I nodded. With a deep breath, I lifted my head to face her one more time. "I know, and I'll regret it forever."

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