Page 61 of Peaceful Chaos

"I haven't seen Jenna in over a year and a half. She left Blackthorne Manor when—"

Shit, this is hard to get out. Harder than all the insults I forced myself to sling her way when I first felt pulled toward her and wanted to drive her away. Those were meant to protect her, and she hadn't worked herself so deep inside me then. I know this is going to hurt her, and I want to protect her from this truth.

"When what, Sin?" she pushes.

"When she got pregnant." My words fall like a bomb. The pain on her face hits me like shrapnel, and I feel each sting and wound as she works through what I'm implying.

"It was yours?"

"I can't be sure. We weren't in a relationship, and I wasn't the only one she was having sex with. I also never fucked her without protection. But she wasn't subtle about letting me know she wanted me and would take any crumbs I threw her way.

"I was an asshole, you know that. I used a broken girl because I was too broken myself to care about anyone else. Kinda hard to do when you don't even care about yourself."

"What happened to the, uh, baby?" she asks. Her voice is quiet and tinged with sadness.

"I don't know. I didn't keep in touch with her." I'm ashamed to admit it. I might have a child out there, one I haven't given a second thought to.

"You're disappointed in me." She doesn't have to say it because Raven has never been able to hide her emotions from me.

She bites the corner of her lip and stares past me for several heartbeats. "I am, but probably not for what you think."

My shoulders slump, and I hold my breath for the moment I lose her love. I've known this was inevitable, because someone as damaged as I am can't hold the affection of a purely good soul like Raven.

"You had a past before you met me. I'm not going to fault you for things you can't go back and change. I don't love the idea that you could have a child out there, but only because it isn't mine."

She takes a deep breath. "I'm disappointed because we've been married for months, and I'm only just now learning you could have a child."

I grab her hands. She doesn't want to comfort me, but I need it. "I only know she said she was pregnant, then she left. That's it."

"And you didn't bother to find out?"

I let her hands slip out of mine. "How exactly was I supposed to do that? I was a fucking slave. I know it makes me a royal dick that I didn't care, but maybe that was self preservation. What would I have done? Condemn the child to growing up as a slave like me?"

"You're absolutely right," she agrees, her rigid posture softening. "It's just a shock."

"I understand if you want me to stay somewhere else tonight," I mumble.

"What?" Raven's face scrunches up, and she watches me. She moves towards me and crawls into my lap. "You weren't able to push me away when you were trying to, and you aren't going to lose me now."

---