Page 64 of Perfect Sin

He nods. “She did. I took her to Jen’s place, but she only stayed one night.”

My fists clench at my sides. “It’s been three fucking days! Where is she?”

He absent-mindedly rubs at his chest. It seems he’s stalling to come up with an answer.

“Don’t even think of lying to me,” I snarl.

Shane steps up beside me, but wisely doesn’t touch me. “Will you listen to yourself? We’ve had your back since we met you, and this is how you repay our friendship? Believing in bullshit gossip over what your friends tell you?”

I nod slightly. He’s right. I know it, but my need for her is driving me out of my goddamn mind.

I see the bruises on Ford’s torso and on his cheek. Shame and regret, foreign sensations for me, trickle in. “I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“You’re shit at apologies, but I accept. I can understand why you would believe the rumors. You love her, and the thought she might leave you scares the shit out of you.”

“It doesn’t help that you slept together,” I grumble.

“That’s a bitch to get over, trust me,” Shane says.

“We are so not starting that battle again,” Ford says to Shane.

Shane ignores him and addresses me instead. “Look, I get why this is hard. Ford and I didn’t talk for almost two months after I fell for Jen. My anger was irrational because I knew they were together. They didn’t break up because of me, but I was still pissed they were ever together. And there was a lingering fear she would wake up one day and want him back.”

I nod. “He’d be better for Raven than I am,” I say, admitting the fear that’s been tormenting me.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t,” Ford mumbles and turns back to his room.

“I’m a murderer. There’s no way you aren’t better for her than me,” I say, stopping him from moving away.

“You want to know why Jen and I didn’t work out?” he asks Shane.

Shane shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It’s because I loved her, but not for the right reasons,” Ford begins.

“I really don’t need to hear this. We’ve moved past this, and that’s where we need to leave it, in the past,” Shane insists.

“No, I’ve got to say this, and both of you need to hear it. I didn’t have a great start to life. My dad is a mean drunk, and my mom chose to leave me there with him when she met Tessa’s dad. Life taught me I wasn’t good enough. Raven and Jen are both inherently good. That’s a draw for me.”

“I love them both, just not in the way I wanted to. With Raven it was easy, because she is in love with you, Sin. We used each other as a balm when we saw you and Tessa fucking. It wasn’t to hurt either of you, but to take something back for ourselves.

“I know neither of you are going to understand this, because it isn’t the way you love Raven and Jen. I’m sure it’s hard to imagine others don’t feel the same. But, I’ve learned I’m not capable of loving what’s good for me. I seek the pain, it’s how I ended up tangled up with Tessa.”

“Is that still going on?” I ask him.

“No. Like I said, I do love Raven and Jen. I can’t tolerate anyone who hurts them,” he answers.

“I don’t think I like hearing you say you love my wife.”

He shrugs. “She’s easy to love. I don’t want to say she’s like a sister, because that’s too incestuous, but my feelings for her aren’t romantic.”

I move to the couch and drop down. “I fucked up. Where is she? It’s been three days. She doesn’t answer my calls or my texts.”

Shane strolls over to the counter and grabs his phone off the charger. “Jen, did Raven tell you where she was going?” I can hear her voice speaking to him, but I can’t make out what she’s saying.

He hangs up, and I can tell I’m not going to like what he’s about to tell me. “She left a note thanking her for letting her stay, but didn’t tell her where she was going.”

“We need to call Holbrook. Do you think Damien took her?” Ford asks.

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