Page 53 of Pretty Monsters

An End and A Beginning

Raven

After our first night together,Ford and I haven't done more than hold hands. He holds me as we sleep, but there's no need for him in the middle of the night, and he doesn't reach for me.

I wake up on our last night and find him watching me sleep. A sad smile is on his face.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him and brush a lock of his hair out of his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispers and flops onto his back.

"I know."

"Do you feel like we're forcing something that isn't here?" His voice is quiet, and sad.

"I want to love you. You are everything I would have wanted if someone asked me–"

"Before you met him," he finishes for me.

"We deserve each other. Why can't we just choose this?" I ask. I'm not sure if the question is for him, or for me.

"Because love is irrational. I hate her, but I love her. I won't hurt you like he has. I do love you, Raven."

"Just not the way both of us need you to."

"I'm sorry," he says.

I roll over to face him. "Don't be. I love Sin, and I hate him. I don't regret what happened between us though. Yeah, it was motivated by our pain, but you were there for me in a way no one ever has been."

His brow creases. "Shit, that wasn't your first time, was it?"

"Would it matter?" I ask.

"Yeah, but only because you deserved better."

"Don't worry about it then. I might have been sent to an all girls school, but the headmaster's son was around a lot."

"You really are a firecracker, aren't you?"

I bump him with my shoulder. "Don't you forget it."

"What do we do next?" he asks me.

"Fuck if I know," I reply. "Let's just be. We don't need to label this, or explain it."

"I'm not up for friends with benefits. That's how Tessa has always treated me, and I won't go down that path again."

Cocking my head to the side, I sigh. "I really wish I could love you. You're kinda amazing. I've got a label for you."

"What is it?"

"Want to be my best friend, Ford?"

He smiles, and the sadness disappears from his eyes. "I'd say we have to be." He grows serious again. "I did want you the other night. It wasn't about them. You're beautiful. That thing you did with your tongue is probably going to feature in some fantasies of mine for a while. That might be a bit outside of best friend territory."

I laugh so hard my ribs begin to ache. "I'm going to miss your abs."

"This is going to be the weirdest friendship I've ever had," he says, joining me in laughing.

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