Page 6 of Pretty Monsters

Distantly, I'm aware of the passage of time. I lay back on the wood, still warm from the sun, and watch the stars as they come to life. I'm intrigued by the stories humans have found written in distant twinkling masses of hydrogen. The need to define and explain one's life is so fundamentally human, and it makes me feel better to be so utterly lost and confused.

"Are you ever where you're supposed to be?" a gravelly voice asks, and startles me.

A humorless laugh bursts from me. "Where am I supposed to be?"

"In your room," he bites out.

The sharp smell of pot permeates the air, and I look over my shoulder to see he's smoking again, only not a cigarette this time.

"Because my father says so." I say to myself. "Well, I'm an adult, so I'm not going to go to my room becauseDaddysays I have to."

He strolls down the dock and sits near the edge with his back leaning against one of the posts. "Maybe you should go because there are dangerous monsters out here."

I sit up and mirror his position against the other post. "I'll take my chances."

Perhaps it's the pot kicking in for him, but he seems less interested in making sure I'm locked back in my ivory tower this evening. "I've lived here most of my life and I never knew you existed. How is that?"

I flinch, feeling the sting of his words, whether he meant them to cut me or not. "You'd have to ask myfamilythat." I stare off at the sky, trying to recapture the sense of connection to some thread of the human condition I had earlier.

"You hate them."

I shrug one shoulder and don't turn my face to look at him. "I don't know them. They could be any other person to me. I've barely ever seen them."

"What about your brother?"

"Lucien?" I ask.

He blows out a stream of pungent smoke. "Do you have another?"

Another shrug. "I wouldn't have the first idea. As far as Lucien, I haven't seen him in over six years. I don't think I'd even recognize him."

Now I turn to look at the stranger. For a fleeting second I entertain the idea that he might be my brother, but I remember Lucien and I have the same very distinct blue eyes. His dark eyes hold mine for an abnormally long time, and I make no effort to end the silence.

He's so quiet I start to think he's fallen asleep, until his rough voice cuts through the night again. "Why did you come back here?"

"I've been wondering the same thing for three days. I don't have a job, I'm not enrolled to go to college in the fall. I guess I'm here because I've nowhere else to go."

"Anywhere else would be better." I watch as he tosses the remainder of his joint into the water and gets up.

I don't answer him. What's the point? I'm used to not being wanted. My father made friendships nearly impossible while I was away at school since I didn't have permission to ever leave campus and I was constantly shadowed by security. After a while I gave up trying to make friends. I didn't even have a roommate to confide in since I always had a single room.

Eventually, I make my way back to the house, trying to sneak back in the way I left. My absence has been noticed this time though.

My father stands in the hall, watching me try and silently close the back screen door.

"Where were you?" his voice booms.

I jump at the sound, innately afraid of displeasing him. It isn't like he's ever hurt me besides his emotional neglect, but I have the sense that he can be a very ruthless man.

"Answer me!" he shouts and roughly grabs my arm, shaking me.

"Just for a walk to the creek," I finally respond.

"You are not to leave your room unless you are given permission," he snaps.

I'm afraid of him, but the side of my brain that governs self preservation shuts down and I'm ruled by pure anger. "I'm an adult. Why all of a sudden do you insist on knowing where I am at any given moment when you haven't cared even remotely when I was a child?"

He raises his hand. I'm sure he's going to slap me, but he lowers it a second later. His jaw clenches and unclenches, and I know without a doubt he still very much wants to hit me.

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