Page 51 of Pretty Monsters

Tessa's eyes have the same shadows in them mine do. She's pushing against invisible chains, and she’s desperate to run. With her there are no complications. We both know this is only fucking. She won't be sucked into my darkness.

What I didn't anticipate was driving Raven into the arms of Ford. Her moans will be his. Her body will be pressed against him, a body I'd had tucked close to my heart only last night.

My chest feels tight, and the release I thought I needed feels like another shackle. Tessa bounces on my dick, and I try to lose myself in the sensation of her wet heat again, but I only feel disgust with myself.

There was pain on Raven's face before Ford stole her attention. It was stark, and cut me deep. I'd promised to protect her, but once again I'd failed.

Images flash through my mind without permission. Her long hair cascading over her porcelain skin. His hands roaming over her soft flesh, eliciting soft cries from her. Would she give him what should be mine?

Who am I kidding? I've guaranteed she'll never be mine, even if in the future she could have been. Another pang to my chest robs me of my breath. I hadn't even realized I held onto hope that someday if we could see our way out of the mess that is our lives she could be mine. If I were ever able to give her a slice of normal, that is.

She couldn't be with me the way I am now. A killer, a slave, someone who doesn't exist. I laugh humorlessly, of all the enemies I have, I'm the worst of them.

Tessa's moans increase. The sound grating to my ears. Wanting this over, I fuck her harder. Pushing her off of me makes more sense, but she's my punishment. Biology takes over, and as soon as I feel the walls of her pussy squeeze me, I come. The feeling is empty, and hollows me out inside.

She tries to kiss me, and this time I do push her off. "We're done," my voice sounds gritty to my ears.

Tessa shrugs. She doesn't give a shit about me. She straightens her dress and goes inside. I can't follow her. My room is next to Ford's and while I was prepared to show Raven where we stood, I'm not brave enough to face the consequences.

Laying back on the bench, the stars as my blanket, I close my eyes.

* * *

A kickto the bench has my eyes flying open. "You fucked up good this time," Shane says, glaring down at me.

"Everyone's starting to get up. This isn't going to be a good day for you." He hands me a cup of coffee, and I take it.

"We've only known her a few days, and each of us would lay our lives down for her. You hold her heart, and you throw it away. There were easier and kinder ways to show her you can't be together."

Shane's look of disapproval tells me something is going down.

"How do you know?" I ask him.

"That you fucked up? We sleep with our window open. The whole house could hear the two of you fucking on the deck. Not that there wasn't plenty of that going on inside."

My fists clench.

He sees my anger and nods. "Like I said. You fucked up. Now you're going to have to live with it. Ford is a bit rough around the edges, but he's a good guy. I hope your goal was to push her away for good, because I'd say that's what you did."

I don't ask for advice, but part of me wants to ask him how I fix it. Before I can open my mouth, yelling from inside the house grabs my attention.

"What the actual fuck is going on here!" Tessa screams.

"Go away, Tessa," Ford barks.

"Now everything is fucked," Shane mutters and turns for the house. I follow. It's time to face the consequences.

Jen glares at me from where she sits in the living room. Ted shakes his head and leads Amber outside to get away from the shouting.

"How could you?" Tessa sniffles.

Raven slips past them, wearing one of Ford's t-shirts. It hangs to the middle of her thighs. I see red.

"How could I?" Ford asks.

I realize while I was using Tessa to push Raven away, she was doing the same thing to Ford.

Tessa starts to cry, but it doesn't elicit sympathy from Ford.

---