Page 54 of Beck and Call

After everything was ready, we took our simple meal over to his breakfast nook. He never used this table or his formal dining set in the dining room. Most of the time we ate sitting at the bar stools on the other side of the counter.

I moved to the fridge to grab beers for the two of us, but I stopped. Suddenly the idea of beer made me ill. “Do you mind if we drink water instead?”

Drinking wasn't something I did often, or really feel a strong need to do, but on a special occasion like having dinner alone with Beckett I’d have ordinarily been up for a drink.

“Are you feeling alright?” he asked. His brow creased with concern.

I nodded. “Yeah, I just feel a little queasy. I haven’t eaten much today.”

He brushed the hair off my face. “Maybe we should take you back to the doctor. You should be feeling better by now, that’s what he said at your follow up appointment.

“It’s probably a cold or something.”

I nudged him toward the table. “Come on, you need to eat. I know for a fact you skipped lunch today to work on the proposal for the digital assistant project.”

“Here you are, not feeling well, and you’re trying to take care of me.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t always have to be one sided. You said you wanted a partner, remember? That means we look after each other, not just you taking care of me.”

He smiled, the genuine kind I loved, where his shallow dimples peeked out and slight lines formed near his eyes. He opened his mouth, then something held him back from verbalizing whatever was on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he kissed me again. This kiss wasn't soft, but it also wasn't the consuming variety that made up our first few kisses.

His lips were firm and demanding, but he kissed me slowly with a depth of feeling I'd never experienced before. The words he hadn't been able to say poured into me with each press of his mouth against mine.

I wanted the words, but I could give him the time to say them when he was ready. For now, it was enough I felt his love, and in his way he did tell me how he felt every time he insisted he wanted to take care of me.

"We should eat before dinner gets cold," I said, slowing things down.

He kissed me again, ignoring my protest. "We'll heat it up." With little effort he hoisted me up and carried me down the hall to the bedroom.

* * *

Beckett

Cutting back at work was surprisingly easy. It helped that it gave me more time with Evie. She was right, we needed time. Time wouldn't fix everything though. I was fairly certain the longer I went without telling her about Callie, it was more likely she wouldn't forgive me.

She was just starting to open up to me, and if she found out about Callie, she'd only see me as someone capable of abandoning the woman they claimed to love. Would she wonder if I would do the same to her?

The biggest factor in keeping my secret was I didn't know how I would deal with my guilt. Callie would spend the rest of her life in that facility. She wouldn't ever get married or have children. What right did I have to move on and have the life she wouldn't get to experience?

It was hard to reconcile what I wanted with what I deserved. Despite how wonderful the last few weeks had been, I couldn't let myself relax completely. When I did I nearly slipped and told Evie I loved her.

She deserved so much better than a broken man who couldn't tell her how he felt. Evie was strong, smart, and determined. I'd grown to depend on her opinion to the point I wasn't sure how I'd ever run AG without her. It was her instincts that made it possible for me to work less. Yet, despite her maturity, she was still young. It made me feel like I was stealing her future from her.

Right now she didn’t want children, but what if that were to change in the future? She was young enough. She might decide a few years from now she wanted a family of her own.

I lay in the dark, hours before the sun would rise, and tried to talk myself into letting her go. She'd already tried to leave a couple times. It didn't matter what argument I made to myself though, because the peace she brought to my life was necessary to me.

Before her my life was something I endured. I made money, more than I'd ever need. I had no interests outside of negotiating the next deal. The money I made sat in investments earning more money I would never spend.

After meeting Evie, I wasn't as driven to chase the next contract. Spending time with her had become the most appealing prospect of my day. So, even though I knew it would be better for her if I let her go, I couldn't see myself ever being that unselfish.

She stirred in her sleep, as if she could sense I wasn't sleeping soundly right next to her. I pulled her closer to me and buried my face in her hair. With her in my arms I could breathe. The tightness in my chest I'd accepted as normal went away. Right or wrong, I planned to keep her.

Chapter Nineteen

Evie

"You've got a conference call this morning with Germany. This afternoon there's a board meeting and I received a confirmation that your cousins will be attending, and your father." I filled Beckett in on the day's agenda as we rode the elevator up to the executive floor at seven in the morning.

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