Page 37 of Beck and Call

A chuckle escaped me before I could stop it. "I want to belong somewhere, or to someone."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to lean back into his chest. "I'm sorry about my mom bringing back sad memories. I'd protect you from all of it if I could, but I can't save you from something that's already happened."

"Why do you need to take care of me and protect me so much? We haven't known each other long enough for me to believe–"

"To believe I love you? I'm not sure yet. I've only been in love once, or I thought I was. It was a long time ago. Since then, I've stayed away from anything that resembled love. I do know what we have is different than all of the relationships I've had for the last twenty years."

"I need to know that what we have is more than your need to take care of me. It sounds like all your other relationships were with independent women of means, but I'm just starting out. I've got no savings, and no one to rely on. If we get married now, I'm always going to rely on you to some extent, and I think you prefer it that way. It would help me if I could understand why you need to take care of me."

He kissed me on the top of my head, then sighed. It sounded like he was wrestling with his thoughts and came to a difficult decision. "There was someone a long time ago I didn't do enough for. I'll never be able to forgive myself for not being there."

I moved away from him. He didn't say it, but I knew the person he referred to was the woman he thought he loved once. There was a sorrowful tone to his voice that only came from a shattered heart. "Is that all this is? Atonement?"

Beckett pulled me back. "No. It was just a lesson learned. I'll never take anything or anyone for granted, except I hadn't actually acted on that vow until I met you."

His heart hammered against my back, and he leaned his forehead against my head. I wasn't sure, but it felt like I wasn't the only one in our relationship growing dependent.

I forced myself to relax against him, and he held me tighter. For a moment we sat still together and shut out the rest of the world. Before too much time passed, he leaned back, and brought me with him.

He pointed at the dark abyss above us. "Look up," he instructed.

I stared at the blackness, and almost missed him send a text. I only noticed, because in the dark, his phone illuminated the area around us. Suddenly, there was a vast sky above us. The lights moved above us, and it gave me the sensation of moving through space. "We're at the planetarium?"

"I told you I'd give you the moon," he whispered in my ear.

"And still, all I want is your heart," I whispered back.

Chapter Thirteen

For every two steps forward Beckett and I took there was at least one large step back. Following his romantic gesture, and my stupid declaration of wanting his heart, Beckett immersed himself in work for the next several days. I moved into his apartment, as he wanted, but after the first night, I transitioned myself into his guest room. With two entire floors to himself, and considering the bedrooms weren't on the same floor, it was not really like living with anyone at all.

He seemed to welcome the growing distance, which I found to be a distressing sign of what the future could be like if I followed through with what was appearing to be a very hasty engagement. The previous couple of times I'd allowed the space between us to grow, he made sure to reel me back in. Perhaps, he was more interested in the idea of me than the actuality of me.

For the past four days, I rode with him to work, accompanied him to meetings, kept his schedule, and had very little interaction with him other than what our business relationship required. It was finally Friday, and mercifully, his schedule appeared fairly clear for the weekend. I needed an escape, and Sabrina seemed to have the answer I needed.

Just after lunch she strolled into my office and sat on the corner of my desk. "Please tell me you aren't busy tonight." She folded her arms under her chin and dramatically batted her eyelashes at me.

I shook my head and smiled at her. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

She shrugged, but the mischievous look on her face contradicted the blasé manner she was striving for. "A friend of mine is opening a new club, and he invited me to come. I really want to go, but the last time I went by myself, he was so busy I only saw him half the time I was there. If you come we can dance, drink, and enjoy being in our twenties for a change. Please say yes."

"Can I call my friend Jana and ask her to join us?"

"Absolutely. The more the merrier. So you're in for girls' night?"

I looked at the door that separated my office from Beckett's. "Yes, I could use a night out."

Sabrina squealed and hopped down off my desk. "I can come and get you, or we can meet for dinner?"

I texted Jana, who answered immediately. "Jana says we should get ready at her place and go together. We can all go back there afterwards and make it a slumber party."

Sabrina's expression grew more serious. "Is everything okay? I heard from Colter you and Beckett were engaged, but you don't seem like two people who are madly in love."

The smile I tried to force faltered. "I could do with a drink and a night with friends." Even I didn't miss the slight wobble to my voice, even though for days I'd tried to convince myself I was fine.

"Oh, Evie." She moved close and hugged me. Having another friend, a genuine one from what it seemed, broke a little of my wall down. I teared up but managed to stop myself from crying.

"Please, don't. If I start crying I won't stop, and I refuse to do it here."

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