“Up you go.” Robert lifts me to my feet and guides me to a bench. “Follow my breathing.”
He exaggerates his inhales and exhales, repeating them patiently until I copy him. Until my heart rate finally comes under control and the bands around my chest loosen.
“What happened?”
“I… I just got overwhelmed.” I bury my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“Come with me,” he says. “I just have to meet with a student and then I’ll take you home. Okay? This weekend was a lot.”
Tears escape my closed eyes. I drop my hands and fumble for a tissue in my bag.
“Oh, honey, don’t cry.” He rubs my back in circles.
“I shouldn’t have run away.” It made everything worse.
All of my fight is gone. I used it on Caleb and Amelie, and I don’t want to take it out on Robert. I follow a half step behind him all the way to his classroom and sit at a desk in the back while he chats with another student. A sophomore, I think. She throws nervous glances in my direction.
I doodle profiles of boys with black holes for eyes.
“Ready?” Robert asks.
I jerk, crumpling the page. I’m not a fool—I just can’t stop drawing Caleb. And if Robert sees, he’d know, too. I toss it in the trash on the way out. There’s still the portrait to complete. More of Caleb to see, to delve into. Would I fail if I gave him the devil’s red eyes and horns peeking out of his hair?
In the car, Robert glances over at me. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Margo, but lately you seem lost. Don’t get me wrong—it’s perfectly okay to feel lost at seventeen. It’s Len’s job, and my job, to help you navigate to where you want to go. But this might be more than that because of your history. Am I onto something here?”
I bite my lip.
Am I lost?
“It can take time and soul searching,” he adds. “And reconnecting with your past, like visiting your childhood home. If you want to talk to anyone?—”
“A therapist?”
I’ve talked to too many state-mandated psychologists for my liking. There was nothing wrong with them, except their soul-sucking nature and endless questions.
“Or your dad,” he says quietly.
I freeze.
“He’s only twenty-five minutes away. And we’d be happy to take you if you?—”
“I’m not ready for that.” I look out the window and decide to admit one thing. One ugly feeling. “I tried to visit him when I was twelve. Ms. McCaw said I was on the approved list. But we got there, and he had revoked it. The guard passed along that he said it was no place for…” My throat closes, and it takes a few swallows to get the rest of the words out. I lamely finish, “A child. And technically, I’m still one.”
“You’ve grown up a lot since you last tried.” He sighs. “I can reach out to Angela, see if we can arrange something?—”
“Please. Not today.”
He pulls up to the curb in front of his house. “Len will be home early today, okay? You won’t be alone for long.”
“I think I’m just going to catch up on homework and be antisocial for a while.”
“Perfectly acceptable.”
Chapter 10
Caleb
Amelie smirks at me from her table at lunch. She came in late, her gaze finding me and lingering. Riley is at our table, down at the end with Eli and Liam. Liam is doing the work of entertaining both of them, while Theo sits across from me in silence.