Page 14 of Harmonizing Hearts

He comes closer but I shake my head, “If you need a lift let me know.”

“I’m good.” I say while rinsing my cup, “Thank you all for the hospitality and see you tonight.”

“I’ll miss you, Em.” Jill squeezes me in a hug, “Text me, okay?”

“Absolutely, I’m a call away whenever you need me.” I wink at her while one at a time the guys come to say goodbye. Jax stares at me and I wear my glasses avoiding his gaze before I leave the house.

Luke peers at me and I shake my head at him, “Not now.”

With a mixture of anger and sadness, I hail in my car while Luke waves goodbye, my destination clear in my mind. I need to regain some common sense before tonight and going back to LA means I should inform Angel, which I’m not that fond of.

“Em, what’s wrong?” Luke peers at me in the rearview.

“I haven’t slept much and I’m a bit nervous,” I lie but it makes him shut up and leave me alone.

“Okay, now seriously, what’s going on?”

I feel the tears roll down my cheeks and I flop my head back shutting my eyes.

* * *

The nightat Royal is a blur of lights, laughter, and music. During the dinner where I put up a happy face and act like nothing happened, it was easy since Jax was missing but I couldn’t miss Luke’s stare. After moving in the music area, surrounded by strangers and my friends, I dance, losing myself in the rhythm, hoping to forget even for a moment the ache that still lingers in my heart. But deep down, I know escapism won’t heal the wounds left by Jax’s words. I was too stupid and now I’m paying the consequences of my stupidity. Tonight I want to celebrate and forget everything, erasing the pain that slays me.

As the night progresses, I catch the eye of a stranger. He approaches me with a charming smile, offering a brief respite from the pain that threatens to consume me. There’s an undeniable attraction, and for a fleeting moment, I allow myself to be swept away by the allure of something new. He joins our table and I introduce him to everyone. Jax is nowhere to be seen but Jill assured me he’s taking care of something at the Casino and will join us soon.

Trey, the new guy, has his arm around my shoulders and I lean into his embrace. I know the exact moment Jax has joined the room and spotted us. I can feel his eyes on my back but I don’t care. Laughing at a joke, I look up at Trey and he winks at me. There’s a genuine fire in his eyes that ignites a spark within me—a reminder that I am more than the hurt I carry. The cell phone keeps buzzing in my clutch, getting on my nerves and I peek at it.

Jax: The fuck you’re doing, Em?

Jax: Lose him, now.

Jax: Em, I swear god I’ll break all his fucking fingers if he touches you again.

I know it’s an awful payback but that’s okay, I read the texts and lock the cell phone back, ignoring him.

When Jax finally joins our table, I can feel his eyes burning me but again I play cool and lean on Trey’s arms. He leans closer but I rest my forehead against his chest.

“Can I have a word?” The hardness in Jax’s voice didn’t pass unnoticed to any of the presents.

Lazily and with an annoyed voice I ask, “With me?” Jax clenches his jaw a few times before nodding. I get up and follow him toward the bar.

“What are you doing?” he snaps at me.

“Enjoying my night?” I fire back. Not that I have to explain anything to him. I turn my back to him and walk to our group, leaving him standing there.

As the night draws to a close and the others go to the Club, I make a bold choice—I leave with Trey. The guy gets the hint I don’t want company outside the Club but he walks me to my car and wishes me goodnight.

The night ends in my apartment, alone. As I lie there, tangled in the sheets, the emptiness seeps back in, mingling with a sense of loss. Trey has offered a temporary distraction, but it can never replace what I thought I had with Jax. It was all in my head and I fooled myself. Unfortunately, not everyone gets a happy ending.

With a heavy heart, I slip out of my bed, and start packing my luggage for the weeks I’ll be off. The weight of my actions settles upon me, a reminder of the depths to which my pain has driven me.

But despite the anguish, a flicker of strength stirs within me. I won’t let Jax’s words define me. I won’t allow myself to be swallowed by bitterness. I’m ready to face the consequences of my choices, to rebuild my shattered illusions, and who knows one day find a love that is genuine and true.

I’ve always carried the weight of my insecurities on my shoulders, a constant reminder of a past filled with uncertainty and loneliness. Growing up in a foster home, I never had a sense of belonging, of having a place to call home. But then Emma entered my life, and somehow she became my anchor in a world of chaos. I don’t know how it was possible but she got under my skin way too fast. Fuck my rules and all the bullshit, all I need is her. My heart is throbbing making even my breathing unbearable. Fuck, it’s been ages since I got wasted. I’m too old for this shit! I swallow a couple of ibuprofen and grab my keys. I should have followed her. Asked her why the fuck she was acting so freaking weird, instead I choose alcohol.

Now, as I stand outside Emma’s apartment, I feel the familiar grip of insecurity tighten around my heart. She’s been distant, evading my calls and messages, leaving me to wonder what have I done wrong. The emptiness I feel without her by my side is suffocating each day. I need her more than ever, but it seems like she’s disappeared from my life.

I find myself digging deep, battling against the self-doubt that threatens to consume me. Did I do something to push her away? I can’t help but question if I’m enough for her. Maybe she has found out about my childhood and if my past is a stain that she can’t overlook.

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