Page 145 of Morally Gray Daddies

I watched as Damon seemed to melt, the anger and toughness he’d been holding to so tightly fading away. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I understand now. We were just kids. There wasn’t much you could have done.”

“I could have written,” she gasped. “I could have helped you not feel so alone.”

Before he could respond, she peppered his face, neck and cheeks with soft kisses. “Damon, It sucks the way everything happened. If I could go back and change any of it, I would. But please don’t give up. Don’t…” She swallowed back tears, her voice choked-up. “Don’t leave. Don’t let them win. It will get better. I promise.”

He drew a ragged breath, while I held mine.

“I don’t know if I believe that. Today has been… fucked-up, but almost nice. It was… it was good to see you both again. I missed you both, so much. And I’m… I’m happy for you. I hope… I hope I can be invited to the wedding.”

Sabrina’s eyes met mine. I read the question there. Would there even be a wedding now? It felt like the past few hours had changed everything. But that wasn’t Damon’s problem, and it didn’t have to be sorted right now.

“You're definitely invited,” I promised him. “Just please, please hold on. Please, please believe that it will get better. I’ll help you. We both will.”

He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the strength of his emotions and the strain of holding them in.

We all held tightly to each other, saying nothing, processing everything we’d all been through.

Finally, Sabrina pulled back, wiped her tears, and said with a strained laugh, “What now?”

I shrugged. I had no idea. The day had wrecked me, torn me in half just like that fateful day six years ago. It felt like nothing was ever going to be the same again. I didn’t want it to be, but I wasn’t the only one in this equation, and I had no idea what my friends wanted.

The question seemed to hang heavy in the air between us. Finally, Damon looked up at me, his eyes pleading at me to understand. “I think… I think I need more therapy, Daddy. I think… I’m not quite ready to move on, but for the first time ever, I actually feel like I could be.”

I looked at Sabrina, thankful when she nodded. The truth was, I wasn’t ready to move on, either. I didn’t know if I could be.

Chapter Ten

Damon

It felt insane to ask for more, knowing what I’d done to Sabrina, knowing Fin’s promise to do the same to me, knowing I could have been done.

But somehow, I needed him to do those things to me. To keep the promise of doing exactly what I’d done to her to me. It would hurt, I knew that; I wasn’t stupid enough to romanticize the pain this time. It would suck, and it would be humiliating. But it would also replace memories that felt like they’d been burned into my brain forever. And I needed that. I’d thought that doing the same things to Sabrina would be enough to replace the memories, but doing things and having them done to you are not the same.

Hurting Sabrina like that hadn’t actually made me feel any better. If anything, it had made the shame burn hotter, made the memories more suffocating. Made me hate myself more than I already did.

If that had been all that happened, I had no doubt, I wouldn’t have made it through the day-by choice.

But then Fin had entered the picture, and everything had changed. When Fin forced himself into me, it felt like my lungs opened up, breathing fresh air for the first time in years. When he stuck the bottle up inside me, when he fucked my asshole with it, all I could see, all I could think of, all I could feel, was him. I’d spent years pretending it was him, so this time, the fact that it really was healed me somehow.

It wasn’t why I’d come here, but now I wanted to see how much more healing I could do.

I stared at Fin, my eyes glassy and tired from holding back tears, and willed him to read my mind the way he had been all day. Do more. My wrists ached with a need to be restrained. My mouth craved the feel of tape stretched across my lips. My ass clenched and unclenched, wondering how many fingers, how much of his fist he’d be able to get inside my tight hole. And more than all of that, I craved the feel of his cock in my mouth. I wanted to choke on his length. Wanted him to mercilessly fuck my face until he was sure I’d learned my lesson.

I wanted those things more than I wanted my next breath. In place of it even. Today had been… everything. But also, at the same time, not nearly enough.

If they were done with me, I wouldn’t blame them. Of course I wouldn’t. I’d blame myself.

If they were done with me, really truly done… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go on living. I hated everything about the way that sounded. Self-serving, manipulative, whiny, entitled. But it was just true. To have them back, even for an afternoon, even for a few moments, only to have them snatched from me again… It would be more than I could bear.

Fin’s gaze met mine. He seemed to be staring into my soul. Scrutinizing my very existence. Finally, he chewed his lower lip, tore his eyes from my face, and looked at Sabrina.

“What else did he do?”

Her eyes went wide with fear, and she gave a slight shake of her head, as if she were afraid to tell him. As if she couldn’t bear the thought of him reciprocating. As if it would hurt her as much as it would me.

I met her gaze and nodded.

She swallowed hard. Her throat constricting was visible from where I sat. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, and finally, she opened her mouth.

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