Page 78 of The Spy Ring

“He was a coward. My father.” I held up the ring but focused on Tiffany. “Honor always. Protect fully. Love forever. Was a lie he told my mother, me, his sister, and anyone he came in contact with. He used his position in the government to get what he wanted. If he desired a woman, he got her, whether she wanted him or not.”

Bile rose in my throat but I swallowed it back. “He told me once that when a woman sees a man with power, they will always want him. Even if they say no, they mean yes. Unfortunately, he didn’t like that my mother said no to him too many times.”

My eyes never wavered as I said, “My mother died when I was six. She had a blood clot from an untreated concussion when she fell down the stairs. Fell or pushed, it was all the same to my father.”

“Oh, Jagger. I’m so sorry.” She cupped my cheek and I slipped my hand over hers.

“He even convinced his sister to use tough love on her son, like he did on me. My cousin, Ben, was David’s age when he died of dehydration and malnutrition. My father insisted that Ben could do a lot of things, like walk and talk. That he was disrespectful and lazy. Ben had Cerebral Palsy.”

The lump in my throat grew, and it took a minute for me to continue. I turned my head, unable to watch her tears. I never told anyone this, not even Dr. Randy.

“He couldn’t walk or talk. He might have if my aunt had ignored my father and taken Ben to the right doctors and therapists. But she didn’t. They threw her in jail, and my father dismissed it. Told the police he tried to help Ben, which was a lie. Then it all finally came out—what happened to my mother, to Ben, because of my father . . . The fucking coward died of a heart attack just before the trial.”

I turned my body toward Tiffany, bringing my leg up on the bed. “That’s why I started to work as an agent for the government. My father was protected, being high up in the government. But someone like me could help take him down. These sick people—like my dad, like Emma Hawthorne—truly believe what they are doing is right. They don’t understand how many lives they’ve ruined to justify their view of the world.”

“That was your father. You can’t help who your father was,” Tiffany said as she rested her forehead against mine.

“I was ten, but I could have taken Ben away from that.”

“How? You were a child.”

I pushed off the bed and stood over Tiffany. “He was almost half my weight. When the police walked in, they thought he was seven years old. He was twelve. I could have lifted him out of that bed and ran away with him.”

My body began to shake. “I could have saved him.” I shut my eyes for they burned. Everything was hot and consuming. I wanted to rip the world apart and never put it back together again.

And that’s when Tiffany stopped me. She wrapped me in her arms and held on. No matter how much I trembled or what I said or how loud I yelled, she clung to me.

“I love you, Jagger. I want you to know that. Right here, in this spot, you are so loved. And your cousin Ben, he loves you too. Because you were the one person in his life that cared. Caring isn’t always wanted or pretty, but it’s forever needed.”

We stayed like that for several minutes. My body eased as I listened to her breathing. The tension slipped away as exhaustion took over. And regret, so much regret. I fell into it.

My knees buckled, and I wrapped my arms around her legs. She was blurry from my tears as I gazed up at her, but even then, she was beautiful.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered over and over.

Because I was. I was sorry that I cowered for so long, never letting anything go. I hid from the world in plain sight.

“Don’t be sorry, Jagger.” She slid her fingers through my hair.

“Then, thank you. Thank you.” I got up and pulled her into my arms.

“No need to thank me, either. I meant everything I said.” She took my hand and guided me to the bed. “Here, let’s lie down. It’s been a rough night. I think we’ve done enough talking for one day.”

She pulled back the covers and we slid in next to each other. Tiffany put her back to me, curling into my body. This was all I needed. To feel her warmth, smell her sweet scent, and hear the soothing rhythm of her breath.

It didn’t take long for the both of us to drift off to sleep. For the first time in many years, I fell into a deep, restful slumber.

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