Page 49 of One Wild Ride

NINETEEN

Aria

“I want everything,” I said because I did.

But I needed more from him. We came here today to talk but he hasn’t explained anything to me yet. I have come clean about my life, my marriage, but he’s not said a word to me.

“We have to start somewhere. What would you like first?” Alex said as his eyes stayed locked to my chest.

I moved across him and swung my legs on either side of his stomach, pinning him to the bed. His chest felt firm as I drifted my fingers over him.

“With a question,” I said, wanting to ask more than just one. “You said earlier that you first laid eyes on me years ago. Since you were a recluse, how could that have happened?”

His eyelids slid down my body. Alex made a sound, telling me that wasn’t the question he expected. Resolve settled over his gaze when he finally looked up at me.

“I wanted to go to an art show in a new gallery that opened up. The one that showed your paintings where I bought your work. That gallery was brand new three years ago.”

“I remember. I asked the owner for a job, hoping to get her to show my work eventually. She did, but it took years of working for her in addition to my job as a bartender.”

His eyes dipped to my chest for a moment before he smirked and turned his head to stare at the light peeking through the old curtain.

“I talked Bradley in to coming with me. When we got there, it was an interactive showing. One area had a white ball pit that people could play in and another area had the white balls hanging from the ceiling—”

“With strings hanging from the balls and you could turn them on and off with the string. I remember. You were there?” I asked as my mind raced through the crowd of that night trying to find his face.

“Yes. And I saw you. I remember worrying if you were one of the prostitutes my mother had hired. In a way I wanted that, because then it meant I could get close to you but in a way, I didn’t want that for you. My heart began to ache thinking that you could be part of that life. But you weren’t.”

I was surprised he remembered me so vividly and I don’t remember him at all. “And you remembered me from that long ago?”

Alex reached up placing his hand on my stomach as it curved toward my back. His hand was warm and when his thumb rubbed at my skin, I wondered how long I would last with these questions.

“How could I forget the woman I fell in love with that night?”

Something crawled up my neck, both inside and out. For a moment, I thought he was touching me there, but I realized it was my imagination. I felt intensely attracted to Alex, and I cared about him . . . but love? As I stared into his heart-stopping eyes, I wondered if I was capable of feeling love for a man, even one as wonderful as Alex?

“But you never talked to me that night. Trust me, Alex, I would’ve remember if someone who looked like you came up to me. How can you fall in love with someone you never met?” My throat tightened at my last question, making it a whisper.

I shifted back as he lifted up onto his elbow. “How can music touch your soul with one note? How can slabs of different colored oils spread across a canvas move you to tears? These are all inanimate objects, yet people spend their lives desiring them. Perhaps I don’t know enough about relationships, or maybe my mother screwed me up so much that even my idea of love is sick. But I can’t help how I feel, Aria. And being here with you, it has only deepened.”

Something about tonight was twisting my mind and clawed at my heart. Shaking my head to clear things, I hugged my knees to my chest. I trusted Alex and knew he would never hurt me, yet I felt like that young girl trying to break free from her captors through a bathroom window again. My heart was racing, and I was on the verge of tears all because Alex told me he loved me.

I hated how fucked-up I was.

“I didn’t say that to scare you off, Aria. I wanted to be honest. And I know you couldn’t possibly feel the same for me. There are things you are used to men giving you that I couldn’t.”

Alex tried to reach for my hand but when I pulled away he looked as defeated as I was scared. “What can’t you give me, Alex? Why do you say these things to me? To confuse me? Am I some game to you that you play at my emotions like sculpting clay?”

A tear finally broke free and I pushed it away with the palm of my hand. Alex frowned and crawled over the bed to me. “No. Aria, no. I am not playing at anything. I never told you because I was afraid.” He released a breath, sinking further into the bed. “Afraid I would lose you when I finally had a chance with you.”

“What is it you can’t give me? A life with you? I’m wondering if I am even capable of that.” I paused, releasing a stuttered laugh. “I have never spent this much time with a man I was attracted to and not had sex with them. And here we are. I have no shirt on. We are lying in bed in a crappy motel room and you still haven’t kissed me. Is that what you can’t give me, Alex? A kiss.”

“I guess we are both new to this,” he said as he brushed his fingers over my lips.

Despite the war inside my body his touch was more than soothing, it was wanted. That confused me even more. As much as I feared his love, I craved his touch.

“But what can’t you give me?” I asked and feared what the answer would be.

“Sex. I can’t . . .” he said and pulled away.

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