She licked her lips to give herself time to figure out what to say. I watched that slippery tongue like a hawk tracking its prey.
She firmed her jaw and lifted her chin. “I said, I more than like you.”
“I more than like you, too, Maia.” I stared deeply into her eyes. “I’ve more than liked you for a while now.”
“Oh?”
I cupped her cheeks. “You being here makes me so happy. I didn’t know what to expect after all that we’ve been through, but just having you in this house with my daughter and Marisol, it finally feels real. You and me,it’s real. It feels right. Do you feel it?”
She nodded. “You’re the only thing that has ever felt good and right.”
I reminded her of the truth I’d shared on her birthday. “I love you, Maia, and I’m not going to let anything get between us. Not Portia. Not some criminal with a vengeance against Alana. Not anything. If you’re not there yet, it’s okay. We have all the time in the world…”
Her body trembled in my arms, and her gaze pierced mine as though she was pained by what she was about to share. “But I am in love with you…and I’m so scared I’m going to lose it.”
“No, sweetheart, no.” I hugged her so hard I wished I could merge us into one. “I’ll battle the devil himself to hold on to you and your love.”
Her breath was warm against my neck as she whispered, “I hope you mean that, Rhodes, because you might have to.”
Episode 89
Practice Makes Perfect
JACK
I poured a couple glasses of red wine as Summer got TJ settled into the toddler crib provided by the resort. The Johansen’s didn’t spare a single dime, booking all of us in lavish suites overlooking a pristine snowy landscape and the mountains beyond. Based on the weather report, we wouldn’t have much luck seeing the northern lights tomorrow, but the forecast for the next night looked clear. Due to that information, we decided to let everyone have a night to themselves. The ladies had plans to go shopping in the town tomorrow during the day and we men were going to take TJ to play in the snow and swim in the resort’s heated pool. Then we’d all meet up for a family dinner.
Before Summer put TJ down, he’d asked about his mother again. Each and every time he called for his mother, my heart ached. The agony of losing her was always hiding under the surface, and it felt like any little thing made it swell and throb painfully. A consistent heartburn I couldn’t shake.
A pair of slim arms wrapped around my waist from behind as Summer pressed her front to my back. She rubbed her face between my shoulder blades. “He makes me so happy and so sad at the same time,” she said, her words muffled against the fabric of my sweater.
I turned around, shifting her to my front where I hugged her fully. “Me too.”
“It’s brutal when he asks about Ellen. And when that bottom lip starts to quiver after I have to tell him Mommy isn’t here…” She sucked in a ragged breath.
“It’s the same for me. Just when I think I’m making progress, smiling and laughing, I remember that I’ll never hear Ellen laugh, and I’m devastated all over again. I’d just come to terms with Troy’s loss and now Ellen. When will it stop?”
“Hurting?”
I nodded.
“Oh honey, I don’t think it ever stops hurting. When you love someone like you did Troy and Ellen, the pain of their loss never goes away. I believe it morphs into something else. The sharp edge of grief eventually fades, but a dull knife still cuts and so does loss. It creeps up on you. Just when you think you have a handle on it, a reminder pops up. A scent they shared, a song they adored, a good memory you had with them, maybe even a bad one, but that’s all part of the process of letting go. Of being able to eventually think about the people you lost as a beautiful part of your own journey and what they brought to enrich it, instead of the pain of no longer having them. But that process takes time.”
“You make it sound sonatural,but none of this feels natural. It feels like my sister and brother were robbed of a beautiful life together with their son.”
“Jack, you’re going to spend years and years missing Ellen and Troy. As you should. They hold a big piece of your heart, and always will. They deserve all your tears and sadness because you loved them. Right now, you’re still angry. And that’s perfectly okay. I’m angry on your and TJ’s behalf. But we both realize that this is our new reality. I know you’re edging toward acceptance, especially by jumping into raising TJ. Another step in thatdirection will be putting Ellen and Troy to rest together. Once that is done, we’ll find a routine that works for the three of us. Let’s just take it all one day at a time for now.”
“My fiancée… Compassionate, beyond beautiful, and wise. How did I get so lucky?” I murmured against the top of her head.
She shrugged then eased her upper body back, her nose crinkled. “Ouch, what’s this lump I just rubbed my cheek against,” she palmed my chest.
A wave of misery flooded my entire body as I dug at the neck of my shirt and pulled out a slim chain. Two wedding rings dangled heavily at the end.
Summer looped the chain through one finger and inspected the rings.
“Are these…”
“Troy and Ellen’s wedding rings? Yeah.” I slumped against the kitchen counter as the weight of two precious heirlooms slid against her fingers while she inspected them. One was a single diamond perched above a dainty gold band; the other was a larger, thicker, textured style men’s ring.