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Faith scowls, watching the two interact. “I hate her. She almost wrecked our family,” she continues as she stares at Chase, Craig and “the Megan.” I still haven’t been able to form a response, stunned by her revelation. He was going to get married? Married to her. She finally tears her eyes away from the trio and focuses on me. Her face pales. “Oh shit. You didn’t know, did you?” Her eyes lower in embarrassment as I shake my head.

I stand and walk over to the group. Craig sees me and his eyes widen in shock. He retreats the second I arrive, saying something about needing to get back to Faith and settling the check. Chase doesn’t even look at me, his eyes still glued to the beauty before me. And she is just that, a true beauty. Her hair is a fiery red whereas mine is more a deep mahogany. Her doe eyes are a startling sky blue; mine are the color of emeralds. She has luscious lips as pink and full as a plum rose.

She licks them surreptitiously, but I notice her game. She’s overtly flirting with Chase. I tap his shoulder and she looks at me, sizing me up from head to toe. Chase turns his head and his eyes go wide, a full deer in the headlights, kid caught with a hand in a cookie jar look, along with every other euphemism for one who has been caught red handed.

“Um, Gillian, uh, this is Megan, um Megan O’Brian,” he stammers, the first time I have ever truly heard him at a loss for words.

I shake the woman’s hand though I’d rather punch her just for existing. “Pleased to meet you.” I slide my hand around Chase’s waist and snuggle in. His hand loops around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Chase has never mentioned you before,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant, but I’m anything but. I’m literally dying inside.

“He wouldn’t have. What we had together was--” She pauses and looks deep into Chase’s eyes. “It was, very special,” she finishes, breathless. I can feel Chase’s heartbeat pounding in his chest even though he locks me to his side. For some reason he’s still deeply affected by this woman.

“It was a long time ago,” he says sternly and she smiles coyly.

“That it was,” she says, biting her lips then twiddling with her hair. “I still remember everything,” she says again, trying to stir his memories. He bristles.

“Well, I’ll see you at my Uncle’s sixtieth birthday bash next week, then?” He backs up a step and turns us sideways.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She flicks her hair and turns. “See you then, handsome,” she says without even a nod in my direction.

I pull away from him and head back to the table quickly and grab my handbag. My movements are shaky and a bit frazzled. I try to hide the overwhelming emotion as best I can.

“We’ll see you next week, right Gillian?” Faith asks. “We’re flying in for Uncle Charles’ birthday extravaganza next weekend, right babe? She asks Craig and he nods.

Before I can answer that I wasn’t invited to the event and that I hadn’t even heard about it until “the Megan,” which I’ve lovingly changed to “the Bitch,” enlightened me that she would seemyboyfriend there.

“Of course she’ll be by my side. Then, now, and forever,” Chase answers smoothly. I’m certain that was in effort to calm my irrational emotions. He lays a hand on my lower back and even though it makes me feel better, I’m still seething.

Chase and I exit, a good two feet between our bodies at all times. I can hardly look at him for fear that I’ll cry. We take the limo back to his Penthouse in complete silence. The elephant looming over us restricts all the air in my body like a snake coiled tightly around me.

I storm into the bedroom and throw my purse on the bed. I whirl and he’s standing there, quietly watching me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Megan,” he offers.

I nod. “What else haven’t you told me? Are you actually married? Got a couple of kids I should know about too?” I ask, not holding back.

He shakes his head. “Look, Gillian, it was a long time ago. A lifetime ago.”

“Back there, the way you looked at her, it was like it was yesterday. You still love her.” My voice cracks.

Chase shakes his head. “No, I don’t love her. I loved the idea of her.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “Look, all you need to know is that Megan and I are not together and we never will be again. She hurt me too deeply.” He pulls off his blazer and tosses it into the armchair. The tie follows it but slips off the chair onto the floor.

“I saw the way you looked at her; sometimes I think that’s the way you look at me.” Tears fill my eyes but I don’t let them fall.

He comes over and pulls me into a tight embrace. “Gillian, I’m only going to say this once. Megan is history. She is not in my life, you are. You’re the only woman I want.” He looks into my eyes as the tears fall. “Do you trust me?” He asks the loaded question of the century.

“I want to,” I say quietly. More tears stream down my cheeks. He kisses them away.

“That’s good enough…for now.” He kisses me softly and it feels like a promise, and for now, it is enough.

Chapter 19

The next week I throw myself into work and much needed time with my girlfriends. The past few months have been life altering, wreaking havoc on emotions that I thought I buried long ago. When I cut ties with Justin, I avoided things and people that would put my thoughts and emotions into a state of flux. Unfortunately, there is no escaping Chase Davis, and, frankly, nothing could keep me from that man. He owns me in all the right ways. Even with his overbearing, possessive, demonstrative ways I still want him. Need him. Have to have him in my life, now and hopefully forever.

Years ago when I sat in group therapy I promised myself up and down I would never, could never, let a man control me. With Chase, there is no question. He doesn’t use his power to hurt me. He never touches me in anger. Does he use me? Yes he does. Often and in the most pleasurable ways. He uses my body and my love for comfort and joy, not as a punching bag to get his rocks off or make himself feel manlier.

The only problem is after New York, I’ve conjured up all kinds of bad thoughts and scenarios as to why he couldn’t possibly love me the same way I love him. It bothers me that he picks and chooses what information to share with me, never telling me how he feels. It’s as if he just assumes I know. After years of being told I was worthless, a whore, nothing but a fuck toy or the reverse, treated like a porcelain doll, leaves a girl a bit destroyed emotionally. Daily I wish he’d tell me what it is he feels. For me. For us.

“Earth to Gigi,” Bree says over her chai tea. My three cohorts, the sisters I’ve never had, the best friends a girl could ever dream of having, are all staring at me.

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