Page 65 of Body

He leads me to his bedroom, his hand clasping mine. “We will discuss this further but right now, all I can focus on is my need to feel you and bury myself so deep inside the woman I love, you won’t know where you begin and I end.”

It’s not poetry, but it’s real. It’s Chase. I couldn’t agree with him more.

***

It’s late and Chase is caressing my bare arm while spooning me from behind. “Who’s Justin Durham?”

My entire body tenses. Alarm bells ring loudly in the quiet room. “How do you know about Justin?” The mention of his name sends a pick axe to my gut.

“You have a restraining order against him. It came up when Jack did your background check. There were several different police reports against him with charges ultimately dropped. They all related to domestic violence.”

Oh God in Heaven. He knows.

He traces a scar on my hip. It’s four inches long. The puckered skin is a physical reminder of something I’d prefer to forget.

“Justin was one of my ex-boyfriends.”

“Why do you have a restraining order against him?” His fingers continue to soothe, a direct contrast to the swirling shame and fear spiraling through my mind.

“You really don’t want to hear about this, especially now. It’s not a conversation to have after a night of incredible love-making--with emphasis on the love part.” I grin. He hugs me then places sweet kisses on my bare shoulder. It’s become one of his favorite places to kiss me.

“Tell me,” he urges.

I know he won’t let it go and the more I hide it and try to make it go away, the more those skeletons get brought to the surface. It’s time I bring them out in the light myself without the halo of doom. I’m stronger now. It’s been years. Even if it still affects me, I can’t let it take residence in my thoughts and dredge up old wounds. I think for a few moments as Chase snuggles into my side.

“Nothing you can tell me is going to make me love you less, Gillian.”

I carry a great deal of baggage when it comes to Justin. He may regret that comment. I’m at war with the fact that to have an honest relationship I’m going to have to share this part of me. It’s an unfortunate part of my past but it defines who I am today, how I deal with relationships, how I respond to him, even now, years later. Chase deserves to be privy to the things that trigger pain.

“Who is he?” he asks again.

“He was a mistake.” I grip his hand and rub my head into his chest. I need the connection if I’m going to make it through this. “I met him when I was eighteen. He was five years older. I felt so mature shacking up with a man a few years my senior.” Chase laughs. That’s exactly what I’ve done again. I’m twenty four and he’s almost thirty. “Guess it’s a pattern with me.” I grin.

“Continue,” he kisses my shoulder.

“In the beginning Justin was everything I thought I wanted in a man. Handsome. Smart. Strong. We moved in together within a few months of dating when I started college. My grades in high-school were stellar, and I was lucky to secure a full scholarship to Sacramento State. So I went to school and he paid the bills.”

“As he should have.”

I roll my eyes, knowing there is no chance in hell I’m ever going to pay a tab or buy myself anything in this man’s presence. He’s old fashioned in that way. I ruffle his hair and peck his lips.

“Don’t stop on my account. I want to know everything there is to know about you.”

I sit up and pull the sheet over my naked chest. “Chase, you see me as this strong, independent woman because that’s what I’ve wanted you to see.” The tears well again. He’ll think I’m weak. I don’t want to be that woman again and I don’t want him knowing her. Regardless, it’s important I get it over with. He needs to know the truth. “Justin spent years beating me to a bloody pulp. Worse…I allowed it!”

His eyes go wide, his nostrils flare and that sexy jaw clenches. “He put his hands on you?” He sounds calm but intense, holding back whatever reply he wants to make. I am immensely thankful.

I sigh. “Chase, he beat me so often it became the norm. Broken bones, bruised ribs, black eyes. Those were regular occurrences in my world. The scar you’ve been tracing on my hip. That was from being thrown through a glass coffee table.” He recoils in disgust. “At the time, I believed I deserved every beating. He made sure I believed it.”

Chase’s hands ball into fists and he presses them into his eye sockets. This is upsetting him, but I have to finish. Rip the Band-Aid off fast. “For years it was really bad. But it was nothing compared to the last time.” I take a deep breath and he twines our fingers together. I close my eyes and continue.

“One night, he thought I was cheating on him. He always thought I was cheating on him…” I take a deep breath. “But this time was different. I…” Tears stream down my cheeks. Chase cups my cheeks and swipes away my tears with his thumbs. I feel his tenderness, his strength, his love.

“Baby, it’s okay. Tell me everything. I need to know,” he says softly.

I clutch his hands in my lap, holding them so tight my knuckles have turned white.

“I told him I was pregnant.”

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