Page 64 of Body

“No I’m not. His Father was the devil.” He leaves it at that. “I hope you’re the real deal, Ms. Callahan, because it’s been a very long time since he’s allowed a woman anywhere near his home, let alone his heart. Don’t make him regret it.”

“I don’t intend to. Now if you will excuse me.” I enter the elevator and the doors shut with him staring me down. I put my right thumb into the LED box and the red light scans my thumb. Once scanned the light turns green and the elevator rises to the Penthouse. Modern technology…incredible.

I can’t for the life of me figure Jack out. One minute he’s tough as nails and just as pointy. The next he’s fatherly and protective. As I mull the conversation with Chase’s linebacker my stomach drops. I really don’t know what to expect from Chase now. I left him in the dust after he did what he thought was right. After I promised him in the safety of his arms just last night that I wouldn’t run again. I wish he didn’t use his influence to devalue the hard work that I’ve put into my career and the time I’ve spent at the Safe Haven Foundation. I owe them so much. I’ve worked damn hard to prove myself. But I also don’t want this to ruin what we have together.

The elevator doors open, and I exit. I’m still wearing the same clothing I had on for the meeting today. I skim my hands down my skirt. Rumpled clothing and puffy eyes are what’s available this evening. If there’s a stitch of makeup left, it has to be smudged. I probably look like I’ve tied one on. I’m surprised to find his door unlocked. I enter the dark entry and look around. Music is playing in the distance and I walk toward it.

In the main living room, a fire is roaring and I see Chase sitting with his back to me on the plush sectional. He’s sipping a glass of wine, listening to the music on surround sound. Christina Perri’s haunting voice sings “The Lonely” and tears well up. The song brings painful memories to mind. I played that exact song so many times after Justin beat me, trying to figure out why I couldn’t escape. Why love was so brutal when really, it wasn’t love at all. It kills me knowing that Chase is feeling that way because of me.

The chorus disturbs me and I stop to listen.

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again

No more. I can’t take it. Sadness overwhelms me. I enter the room making my way to the couch. He looks up over his glass of wine. His face is tortured and seeing it destroys me. His eyes are hooded but a tiny spark lights those glassy blues as they land on me.

“You’re not alone,” I whisper. He picks up the remote and turns the music off with the push of a button. He sets down his wineglass.

“Aren’t I?” His face is stoic and pale, void of emotion.

I shake my head. Walking over to him, I stop between his outstretched legs. He grips my hips fiercely and brings his head to rest against my stomach. He nuzzles me in silence. The need to purge this ache welling deep inside is unbearable.

“I’m in love with you.” It comes out a whisper but he hears it. His grip intensifies. I’m scared shitless and I can’t back away or hide from my feelings any longer. If he doesn’t feel the same then I’ll move on. I won’t like it. It will hurt like hell, but at least I’ll know I said it and meant it.

His grip tightens until it almost hurts and he looks up at me, his eyes searching my face, his gaze open, and broken at the same time. I can barely breathe with the honest fear and heartbreak staring back at me. It’s almost too much to bear. He assesses me, trying to discern the truth of my statement. “Say it again.” His voice sounds rough, as if his esophagus was rubbed with sandpaper. Thick and gritty.

“I’m in love with you, Chase.” The words spill out as if in prayer. His eyes close and his fingers push my shirt up. His eager mouth plants soft kisses all over the bare flesh before trailing kiss after kiss up my torso over my shirt until he’s standing in front of me, eyes piercing my soul.

“Again,” he whispers against my lips.

“I love you, Ch…” Before I can say his name, his lips are on mine, devouring me. His hands cup my cheeks holding me to him. His kiss is long and deep. I’m not sure who’s leading who and it doesn’t matter. He turns my head delving in, sliding his tongue in, tasting, drinking, sipping from my mouth as if it’s the last time. It’s not. Never will be again. I’m lost to him and will take whatever he can give me.

He pulls away then smashes our chests together in a harsh embrace, one that you give someone you never plan to let go. I close my eyes and relish the beauty of being his. Warm and safe. “I was so afraid you were done with me,” he says against my ear. I shake my head and kiss the side of his neck reaffirming the connection to this man, my man. “Where do we go from here, Baby?”

“That depends on whether or not you feel the same about me?” My confidence wanes. I need to know I mean as much to him as he does to me. It’s the only way we can move forward.

“Are you kidding?” He searches my eyes. His mouth twists in surprise. “You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” My chest constricts and I’m uncertain what he’ll say next.

“I knew you were the one when the hospital called me in Chicago. Everything went utterly black when they told me you’d been attacked. I was crazy with worry. I had only known you a short time, but that phone call wrecked me.” His face contorts as he tells me his experience. I understand the feeling. “God, Gillian, I’d do anything for you. Saying I love you doesn’t seem like enough to quantify what I feel for you.” The smile across my face is so big it hurts my cheeks.

“Say it anyway,” I urge.

He caresses my cheeks and kisses me softly. He pulls back and his glorious blue stare owns mine. “Gillian Callahan, I love you. So much it scares the hell out of me.”

I nod and tears fill my eyes. He kisses each cheek. “Please, please stop running from this. This is new for me. I know I won’t always make the best decisions when it comes to you. You bring out the control freak in me. I want you safe, I want to protect you and provide for you. I want to give you everything your heart desires.”

I put two fingers over his lips. “I only want you.”

His eyes close as he kisses my fingers.

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