The good newskept coming too. The doctor told me I’d improved mobility by twenty percent in the past six months on the new medication. I may never have the fine motor skills I once had with the limb, but things like holding a glass of water, being able to grip a plate and put it into the dishwasher, and holding a baby are all on the horizon—things I wasn’t able to do before, things the average person takes for granted. Every time I had to shoo away Gillian or Bree passing me their children, I was reminded of what I’d lost. And now, now I may have that chanceback.
“Amazing. We need to celebrate.” Chase opens his phone. “Baby, Kathleen’s got some great news to share. Tell Bentley to set dinner for thecrew.”
I place my hand to his shoulder and shake my head. “Just us tonight. Okay? I don’t want to get the girls’ hopes up.” I pat his forearm.
Chase’s shoulders drop down. “Make that an extra plate for one. Yes, Kathleen will explain when we arrive. No, she doesn’t want Maria and Bree called. Not at this time. I know they’d enjoy hearing good news too, but we’re going to let her handle this news as she deems appropriate…” He glances at me, squinting.
I know he’s unhappy that I don’t want to celebrate. This is good news. It is. But we don’t know enough about it to truly spread the word. Bree and Maria would be more than ecstatic, and I can’t handle another letdown. Not now. Not when Maria just got married and is blissfully enjoying the honeymoon phase of her marriage, and Bree and Phillip are focusing on their home design.
“Gigi for now, the rest later. Okay?” I whisper.
Chase nods curtly at me and then speaks into his phone. “We’ll be there momentarily.”
When Chase hangs up, he presses his thumb and forefinger into his temples. “Kathleen, I do not understand this need to distance yourself from everyone. It’s not only hurting you, it’s putting undo pressure on my wife. In her condition…”
“Her condition? She’s pregnant, not dying.” I remind him, “This is my life, Chase. Mine. Not yours. How you handle a situation may differ from how I do, but this news is mine to tell ornot.”
He sighs. “You have spent the better part of three years pushing everyone you love away. I’ve been there, done that. Not only is it unhealthy, it just makes you miserable. And you are miserable. I can see it every time I look into your eyes. You miss him. You miss them.” His words are rough and grating, hitting right on theirmark.
I tighten my mouth and clench my teeth. “You have no right to bring him up. You promised you wouldn’t.”
“Well, like you, he’s fucking up his life.” He lets out a long breath ofair.
“What do you mean? What’s going on with Carson?”
My heart starts to pound a mile a minute. The mere thought of something being wrong with the man who owns my soul is enough to send me straight into a fully loaded panic attack. I inhale and exhale, pushing down the pressure building in my chest that’s slowly squeezing my heart one centimeter at atime.
Chase doesn’t realize my distress because he’s looking out the window, scowling.
“If you hadn’t left him, pushed him away repeatedly, he would have never put himself in this situation. I blameyou.”
I blameyou.
“Excuse me?” My ire fires right alongside the panic, squashing itdown.
“Something’s off about the woman he’s seeing now. Really off.” Chase shakes hishead.
I roll my eyes. “He’s had women before. He’ll get past it like he alwaysdoes.”
Chase huffs and clenches his jaw so hard a muscle in his jaw ticks. “I’m not so sure you’re right.”
“What could be so bad about a woman Carson is fucking? He’s a virile man. Believe me, I used to be the recipient of all that virility.”
He tightens both hands into fists on top of his knees. “I’m telling you, Kathleen, I’ve got a bad feeling.”
“So talk to him about it.” I groan and flick my hand. This topic is killing me one word at a time. Imagining Carson with any woman is like deliberately driving a stake through my own heart.
“I have,” he says between clenched teeth. “He’s avoiding me. Avoiding everyone. Pulling a you, actually.”
I sigh long and loud, letting my own frustration out. “There’s nothing I cando.”
He scoffs. “Sure there is. You can stop this shit you have going and take back your man. And don’t pretend he’s not the man for you, because I call bullshit. Before the fire, you two were the happiest any of us had ever seenyou.”
“Chase…” I warn. “Bringing up the past does not help the future.”
“That’s asinine, and you and I both know it. Tell me you don’t love him still.”
“I don’t love him,” I state instantly. I’ve gotten so good at this lie, it comes out fast with absolutely no hint of emotion.