Page 15 of Fate

I grip the roots of my hair tightly, wanting to feel the sting of pain as I pace her apartment. “This isn’tover.”

Her voice breaks. “It is. Forever.”

I stop and suck in a harsh breath. “Look me in my face and tell me you don’t loveme.”

A torturous grimace falls across her features. She opens her mouth and then closes it again.

“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll go,” I roar, rushing toher.

She bites her lip as tears run in a river over her cheeks. “I can’t ever saythat.”

“Exactly,” I grate through clenched teeth. “Then we’re not done. One day soon, you’re going to regret this decision. You’re going to think back to the one man who adores everything about you.” I point at her heart. “You.”

“I’m not me anymore.”

My lips hurt from pinching them together so tightly. “If you keep telling yourself that, you’re never going to find her. Maybe you don’t want to. You seem happy to hole yourself up in this dark apartment, never letting the lightin.”

“There is no sunshine anymore.”

“Open your eyes, Kat.” I cup her cheeks. “Open your fucking eyes. Let in the light. It’s there, waiting for you. I’m standing in it, holding my arms open for you, baby. Let me help you get there,” I plead.

Jesus, I’d strip myself of everything I know, jump into the fiery pits of hell, if she’d give me half a chance. The golden-caramel color in her stare fades, darkens, and with it, the glimmer of hope flickers out. I know she’s made her decision.

“Be happy, Carson. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Find someone to share your life with. Let me go.” Her words are a whisper, but they could have been shouted through a bullhorn for the way they smash intome.

I take one last look at her and touch my mouth to hers. I will never forget the taste of sorrow on herlips.

“You’re going to regretthis.”

She closes her eyes, distancing herself even more. “I already do. Nowgo.”

“You love me, Kathleen.” My own voice is so rough I wouldn’t be able to recognize it as my own if played back to me on a recorder.

Her eyes remain closed, her black lashes long and wet, tears still clinging tothem.

“I know. Sometimes, Carson, love isn’t enough. Please…go,” she begs, desperation so thick in her tone it slices a fissure in my heart.

The womanI love had chosen to be dead to me, and there was nothing more I could do to bring her back. Even two years later, it hurts as much as if it had happened yesterday.

I shake my head as I drive through downtown San Francisco, leave the city, and head toward my beachfront home located on a ranch bordered on one side by the Pacific. Visions of the bar I went to when I left Kat’s apartment after our fight flash across my vision as I drive back to my place.

Six shots of whiskey, lined up one after another on the table in front ofme.

A blond waitress with pretty brown eyes hitting onme.

The blonde leading me across the street to a hotel.

Paying for aroom.

Falling back on a bed. Kathleen stripped naked on top ofme.

Not Kathleen…the waitress.

The blonde riding my cock, my fingers digging into herhips.

I need the release sobad.

Wanting the pain to goaway.

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