Page 58 of Fate

I nod, standing in the center of a room I haven’t been in for over two years. It looks exactly the same. Except there are subtle differences. On the nightstand I see a pink sippy cup and a pacifier. A baby towel is haphazardly tossed on thebed.

Needing to see the truth for myself, I walk into his open closet. Not one stitch of women’s clothing hangs there. No petite shoes line the rack next to his. I scrunch up my nose in surprise. The bathroom is my next destination.

I enter the bathroom and open the shower door. The only thing different in the shower than his shampoo, conditioner, and men’s soap is a big yellow bottle of baby wash. No frilly, girly-smelling shower gels anywhere in sight. I go over to the sink and notice the second sink is bare. There is one extra toothbrush in his holder, but it’s tiny and glittery purple with itty bitty bristles. It’s his daughter’s.

Leaving the bathroom, I set about making his bed, satisfaction filling my heart when I notice only one side of the bed is disheveled. I fold the baby towel and set it on the counter in the bathroom when Carson returns.

“Okay, we won’t be interrupted. Cora’s temperature broke and Misty has her in herroom.”

“So, she does livehere?”

He sighs and pushes a hand through his wheat-colored hair, the layers falling in perfect formation along the sides of his sculpted handsome face. It would be a lot easier to hate him if he weren’t so damn good-looking.

Carson takes a seat in the chair opposite the bed, opening his knees wide and leaning his elbows on them. He clasps his hands in front of his chest. “Yeah, she does. For now. Her place burned down to the ground a couple weeksago.”

Fire. Fucking fire. The root of all evil. A chill ripples down my arms and the ghost ache throbs against my nerve endings. I rub my arm but stay silent.

“Let me go back to the beginning. That last night when you pushed me away just over two years ago, I couldn’t take it. I was drowning in my grief. I didn’t want things to end between us, but you were unreachable. I’d begged you, and you still pushed me away. For the last time.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple moving up and down slowly, mesmerizing me from my seat across from him. “Do you remember that, Kat? You tore my fucking heart out, stepped on it, and tossed our love in the trash.”

And the pesky tears come back. With him, I’m a ball of tears and emotion. Usually I’m able to be strong, but the past two weeks? Not so much. He’s consumed everything in me, including my emotions. “I remember,” I return quietly, clasping my fingers in my lap and twisting them around and around one another.

“Well, that night, I lost all reason. I went to a shithole bar and drank my weight in whiskey. Misty was the waitress there. In my drunken haze, she looked so much like you. I don’t know… Fuck. I just wanted you so bad. Wanted to be with you more than anything. I lost control.” He looks up and his blue eyes are dark, filled with remorse.

The tears fall, and I let them. “Continue.” I need to hear it. What I did to this beautiful man. How I brokehim.

“The next morning, I woke up and she was gone. I was so far gone I didn’t even care that I’d had a one-night stand and couldn’t even remember the woman’s name. I called Chase. He picked me up, took me home, nursed me back to myself, and that was it. Until a month ago, when I walked into that same bar for a beer. A simple fucking drink, and my life changed again.”

I close my eyes and imagine how that must have hit him. To find out he had a daughter he never knew about. MyGod.

“Misty approached me and told me aboutCora.”

“And you believed her?” I can’t imagine he’d take something so life-altering at face value.

He shook his head. “No. Not even close. I chewed on the info for a week. Then had a friend of mine do a paternity test. The test proved my paternity. But that was before I’d seen her. She looks exactly like Chloe as a baby. I mean, spitting image.”

“And she has youreyes.”

He closes said eyes and nods. “Yeah. Shedoes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I choke down the dry lump forming in my throat.

Carson stands up and paces the room. “Kat, I’d just met my daughter for the first time a few days after I saw you at Chase and Gillian’s for breakfast. Then, when we had our night after the pub, shit, I was so confused. I still am. That morning was the morning the fire burned down Misty’s apartment and I truly met Cora face-to-face. They had nowhere else to go. And I haven’t been there. My daughter is eighteen months old, Kat, and I wasn’t there.”

I stand up and go to him, wrapping my arms around his tension-filled form. He embraces me and holds me close, holds me like he’s never going to let me go. “I can’t be a shit father. I’m so scared of fucking this up. Her…and you. I just want to find a way to make this all work. I love you, Kathleen, but I love Coratoo.”

“Of course you do.” I cup both his cheeks. “Hey, I’d never make you choose between me and your daughter. Me and Misty? Yes…”

He tugs me against his chest and curls a hand into my hair. “There is no you or Misty. Never has been. That night was a mistake. A fucking drunken, emotional mistake. But it doesn’t change the fact I got Cora out of the mistake, and I’m not sorry about her. She’s perfect, Kat. You’ll see. I just know you’ll fall in love with her if you give her a chance. Give us a chance.”

Tears slip down my cheeks at the sheer anguish in his tone. This big, strong man in front of me is broken. Confused. Afraid. Hurt. Like me, he doesn’t know what to do or how to hold on to what he wants. Which is me. I can see it in every fleck of aqua in his eyes, in every breath he takes, and in the way he’s holding me as though I’ll disappear at any moment.

“I’d like to get to know Cora. But I don’t know how we move forward. You have a daughter who needs you. Apparently a woman who needs you too. Where do I fit in?” I swallow my own desperation and personal desires.

He leans his head against mine. “We’re going to figure it out. People have mixed families all the time. Look at you and your soul sisters. You’re not related by blood but by choice. And they are just as important to you as any true family. More so because you chose them. Right?”

I think about Maria, Gigi, and Bree and know with my whole heart he’s right. They are my family, my sisters. I’d never forsake them or their children because we didn’t share a bloodbond.

“No, you’re right.”

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