Page 59 of Life

“You don’t think it’s weird or wrong?” I need to hear what she thinks.

“A little weird, definitely not wrong. But honey, Tommy’s gone, and by the sounds of it, there was already a bit of strain happening between you two.”

“Maybeun poco.” Again, I blow out a long breath, not knowing what to do. “I just feel like I’m shaming him and his memory.”

“Oh no, Ria. Not even close. When we lose someone close to us, we grieve in our own way, but we have to move on. We have to live.”

She has a point, but I’m not sure I’m not just hanging on to any thread of hope that will make this ache in my chest go away. “But do most do it so soon?”

“Do you miss Tommy?”

“Every day,” I say instantly.

“Do you wish he was still here?”

“Si.So much.”

“Will you honor his memory by living life to the fullest, accepting the sacrifice he made for you and Gigi?”

“Dios mio, of course.Si!”

“Then you’ve got your answer. Live your life to the best of your ability. Remember him and his sacrifice. Who you choose to lie down with at night, or who you let into your day-to-day life from here on out has absolutely nothing to do with honoring Tommy. That’s private and personal between you and him.”

When did she become so deep? Bree has always been the universal lover of all things in our group. She can bring a profound light to any darkness plaguing a person.

Honor his sacrifice. Now that I can do.

“Gracias. Te amo mi amiga.”

“I love you, too. And hey, if you can find some joy in all this chaos, I say, live it up!”

This time I laugh. “Live it up. I’ll try.”

“Call soon. I need my sleep.”

“Take care of you, the girls, and Phil, okay? I’ll be in touch.Besos.”

“Besos.”

We sit downon a concrete ledge with two huge slices of pizza on a pair of flimsy plates. My mouth waters at the fresh tomatoes, black olives, and cheese.

“Pizza My Heart is the best around,” Eli says proudly, and then eats half a slice in one go. Jeez, he can eat.

I take a giant bite and let the Romano cheese tease my tongue with its sharp flavor. I close my eyes while finishing my first bite. He isnotwrong. “This pizza rocks!” I take a tomato off the top and plop it into my mouth.

“I love the way you eat, as if every meal is the best you’ve ever had.” He smiles, his eyes a brilliant green with the sun bounding off them.

Once I’ve swallowed, I nod. “Growing up, food was scarce. As an adult, I enjoy every meal to the fullest. I guess it’s because back then I didn’t know when I’d have another.”

Eli scowls. “Was your upbringing that bad?”

I shrug. “Lots of people have it bad. I try not to focus on the past. Living in the past means you miss out on the present. Every day is a gift, right? I think between the two of us, we’ve recently learned that the hard way.”

He frowns. “Yeah, that’s the truth.”

For some reason, I choose to tell him more, share more than I usually share with a man. “I grew up in foster care in Oakland after my drug addict parents both overdosed on some bad heroin. Sharing is caring, right?” I smile, but it falls flat when Eli’s own smile falls.

“Anyway, I bounced around a bit in foster care after my grandmother died before being put into a girls’ home. The other girls were mean, thieves, and didn’t like anyone who hadn’t been there as long as them. So I stayed away mostly, danced at the free centers the city put on. Made my way to the top of the dancers. Then, when I turned eighteen, I no longer had a home. Lived on the streets for a few weeks until I scored the audition that changed my life.”

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