Page 83 of Life

The defining moment of dance when I was chosen to perform a rendition of Martha Graham’s famous piece,Heretic, where I was the white dancer against the sea of dancers all in black.

Tommy saving me all those years ago.

Gillian and I living in the city together, getting our first apartment.

Kathleen winning an award for best costume design.

Phillip introducing me to Anabelle for the first time.

All four of us girls getting the Trinity tattoo, solidifying that our past, present, and future would always be intertwined.

Bree telling us girls she was pregnant.

Chase holding Gillian and them announcing their marriage and pregnancy.

Elijah telling me he loves me.

Elijah making love to me.

Elijah promising to keep me safe…

I’m weightless, floating, everything around me soft and serene. Voices singing. Music playing. The light is so bright. I walk toward it and then stop. I look down at my hands. They are blessedly free, as are my ankles. All around me is pitch black except for the warm light ahead.

Yes, that’s where I need to go.

“Come back.” I hear the whispered words and shake my head, taking another step toward the light.

“Come back to me.” I hear it again a little louder.

My chest hurts. I look down, and it’s sunken in and lifting up. Water spills out my mouth forcefully, splashing down onto my bare feet. The darkness slowly creeps up my legs, starting with my feet, and then my ankles…

No! I look at the light and reach for it. My fingertips just barely touch the warmth. So peaceful.

“Maria! I love you. Don’t leave me!” I hear the plea loud. It’s all around me, filtering through my mind, my heart, and my soul. It’s Elijah. His voice. He’s calling to me.

I glance behind and see shadows. It’s scary, and the light is so warm, so welcoming.

“Babe, please. Please. Breathe!” he cries out.

My chest feels like it’s cracking, splintering in half. More water spills from my lips. I glance once more to the light, and it’s smaller, only the size of a window and getting smaller by the second.

“Breathe! Breathe, goddamnit!” Eli’s voice is everywhere. All around me, holding me close.

More water comes out of my mouth and nose. My chest burns, the pressure too much. I cough. And cough. Water and vomit pouring out of my mouth.

“That’s it, beautiful. Good job. Get that shit out,” Eli’s voice is demanding, forceful.

Eli’s strong hands massage and rub my back as I cough and hack.

“Good, babe. You’re okay,” Eli says as he turns me around and holds me in his lap.

I blink several times, my eyes feeling too heavy, my entire body scalding hot but also blistering cold. My teeth chatter, and he rubs my head, my face. “You’re going to be okay.” He kisses my forehead, and his warmth seeps into my body, forcing away the chill.

Tears fall down the sides of my face in hot tracks of despair. I move my arm, lifting it to his face. “You were there,” I say, my voice so scratchy.

But he heard me. Of course he heard me. “I was where, babe?”

“When it all was ending. I held on to you. Our love. It made it bearable,” I whisper.

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