Page 56 of Life

The little devil on my shoulder sends a thought barreling through my head.Then again, if I’m already going, why not go out with just-fucked hair and a dozen orgasms?

Good Lord, I’m so messed up.

Yep, definitely going to hell.

Chapter Fourteen

The shower didlittle to calm my beating heart or the bucketload of shame that suddenly towers over last night and this morning’s experiences with Eli. I’m certain he’d disagree with every single doubt that riddled my mind, because Eli isn’t the type of man to make decisions willy-nilly. Actually, for the past weeks he’s been consistent and transparent in his desire to be with me. Completely and unapologetically. He’d even gone so far as to suggest there would be more than just the physical aspect to a relationship with me. Not that I dare to believe or even agree with him.

I wish I could turn off my mind and live in the moment. Only, I know life is compiled of single individual moments that shape and change who a person is and how they walk through life.

Flash. Antonio beating me, breaking my legs, and trying to drown me until the light goes out.

Flash.Locking hands with Gillian in the woman’s shelter, both of us battered and bruised, cementing what would become a lifelong friendship.

Flash.Meeting Kathleen in my first show in the San Francisco Dance Company.

Flash.Taking Bree’s first yoga class, connecting with her and with my body in a new way through her words.

Flash. Seeing the lifeless body of a woman I thought was my soul sister, and the sheer relief when I found out it wasn’t.

Flash. Learning of Gillian being kidnapped on her wedding day, thinking I’d lost her forever.

Flash.Hearing of Tommy’s death.

Flash.Eli moving over my body, inside me, the bliss of the orgasm that poured through every vein in white-hot, euphoric blasts as I lost myself to him.

My cell phone buzzing like crazy in my purse breaks me out of my wayward thoughts. I don’t remember having one since Eli took my other phone. Guess he replaced it. This one has a bright red case that’s totally my style but not something I bought myself. I glance down at the display and am surprised to see my soul sister’s name appear as I’d typed it in my other phone. SneakyCazador. I wonder what Antonio texted before Eli switched out my phone.

The phone blares again, and I see…

Yoga Hottie

I click the accept button and put it to my ear. “Hola,preggo,” I say with fake enthusiasm.

“Holamy big white pregnant ass!” Bree’s tone is vehement. “How dare you make us worry? Make me lose what little precious sleep your giant niece I’m carrying around deems to give me. No call, no text, radio silence.”

“Bree—”

“Oh, hell no. I’ve got this baby using my bladder as a punching bag, and a five-year-old flying around the house as though the world is made up of rainbows and unicorns. My best friend’s house gets broken into, and she’s whisked away by some dude and disappears with no word. Do you know how hard it is to sleep when you have a watermelon sitting on your gut and worry in your soul? Do you?” she screeches.

I pull the phone away from my ear as Eli enters the bedroom. “You okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine. Thank you. Just need a minute.”

“A minute! You’re going to give me a minute! Have you not been paying attention, Ria? I’m losing my mind over here! Ouch!” She moans in pain.

“Bree? Bree, are you okay? What happened,chica?” Worry rushes over me, my protectiveness over my soul sisters, the only family I have, coming straight to the surface, lightning fast.

“Your niece decided punching wasn’t fun anymore and took up kick-boxing against my ribs!” She bites through the connection. “God, I hate being pregnant!” she groans.

I fall back on the bed in a heap and wave off Eli, who has been standing guard, waiting patiently for me to give the all clear signal.

“I’m sorry,chica. Really, I didn’t mean to stress you out.”

She groans. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t give you a load of shit when you’re already dealing with so much. This baby makes the demon bitch in me come out. Forgive me?” she asks in her normal sweet tone.

There’s my girl. “Of course. And I’m fine.” I sigh heavily, the weight of my current problem like a ton of bricks on my chest.

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