Page 61 of Finn

This is it.

This is my moment.

Blowing out one long breath, I begin. “When I was sixteen, something bad happened, Finn. It was and still is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. I blame myself. I could have made different choices, and it never would have occurred. But I didn’t, and so it did.”

Looking worried, Finn asks, “What in the hell happened, Sammie?”

There’s no other way to put it than just to blurt out the truth.

So I do.

“I killed my little sister.”

Finn

Wait, there’s no way I heard that correctly. I didn’t even know Sammie ever had a sister. I once brought up that I have an older brother, but she never mentioned having any siblings of her own. I just assumed she was an only child.

But surely, if she did have a sister, she couldn’t have fuckingkilledher.

Brow creasing, and to make sure I heard her right, I ask, “What did you just say?”

Sammie fights back tears as she replies, “No, it’s true.” She squeezes her eyes shut, then opens them again. “I killed my twelve-year-old sister, no different than if I’d stabbed her to death.”

This is unbelievable.

I don’t accept it.

I shake my head, refusing to believe this beautiful, sweet woman did anything so heinous.

“Oh, come on,” I say. “No way is this true. There must be more to it. Now tell me what really happened.”

I suspect she didn’t kill her sister on purpose, so I need to hear the story. I have a feeling Sammie is blaming herself for something that was way out of her control.

Sure enough, the next words out of her mouth are “It was a car accident. A bad one. She didn’t make it.”

I release a breath and say, “Sammie, car accidents are exactly that—accidents. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

We’re still holding hands, but she pulls hers away as she says, “But itwasmy fault, Finn. I was driving and I’m the one who insisted we go out and get ice cream that night. Amanda, that was her name”—she looks at me sadly before continuing—“asked my mom to take her earlier. But she was busy. By evening, I remembered how badly Amanda had wanted to go, so I begged and pleaded with my parents to letmetake us to the ice cream shop using the family car. Really, I just wanted to drive somewhere. Ice cream or whatever, it didn’t matter. I was sixteen and had just gotten my license a couple of weeks before that, so I was always looking for a reason to drive somewhere.”

“That’s normal,” I tell her emphatically. “I was the same way. I wanted to drive any chance I could get after I had my driver’s license. I think most kids are that way when they reach that point in their lives.”

“Yeah, but if I hadn’t pushed…”

I wait, and after several seconds, she continues, “Anyway, we made it to the ice cream shop just fine. We were laughing and talking while waiting in line to get our cones. I still remember that I chose mint chocolate chip, and Amanda picked black raspberry. I’ll never forget that, and I’ll never forget how she told me it was her most favorite flavor in the whole wide world and how I was the most awesome sister for having taken her to get that ice cream. Ha, what a joke.”

She laughs bitterly, then grows quiet for what feels like a long time. It’s only a couple of minutes, though. It’s just that time feels as if it’s slowed way the fuck down.

Finally, Sammie says, “The accident happened on the way back. We weren’t even that far from our house. We were ona lonely two-lane country road when out of the blue, this big pickup truck crossed the center line, heading right for us.”

“Oh my God, Sammie.”

She shakes her head. “It all happened so fast. I didn’t have time to swerve. There was nowhere to go anyway. On both sides of that road, there are thick woods. Still, I should have thought of something, because he hit us head-on.”

Placing her face in her hands, Sammie starts to cry.

I scoot forward and hold her in my arms.

She leans into me and cries on my shoulder.

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