Page 26 of Her Dragons

“Well,” said Elyse, “you said some things aren’t physically possible.But maybe some things are emotionally possible.”

I pondered this in silence for a moment.This from her was one of the most profound things I had ever heard.Then I considered aloud, “Two at once.And there’s no jealousy, no rivalry…well, mostly none.They did almost get into one fight about which one of them cares for me more, but then Jake said it was about me, not them.”

“Oh, honey,” she said.“That’s sounding awfully…not selfish.”

“It is, isn’t it?”I considered further.“You know, what I feel mostly with them is safe.When I started with them, I was afraid to go out of the apartment.But then I let them take me to the Dragon Festival and I wasn’t scared.And I let them bring me here and I wasn’t scared.They make me feel safe — safe to be with them, safe to go out with them…”

“Safe to love them?”

“Maybe I do.”The warmest feeling came over me, which radiated out of me in a smile.“Oh, Elyse, maybe I do feel safe.Maybe they’ve made this new space in my life where I feel safe to love, where I know I can love and it won’t hurt.Oh my God, Elyse, maybe that’s what it is.They’re my safe space to feel things — safe to love again!And this time there’s no manipulating!There’s no controlling or possessing or owning!It doesn’t feel threatening!Elyse, this time it’s for real!”

We reached across the table and held hands, our fingers wrapping together tightly.I started to laugh in a waythat I hadn’t heard myself laugh since we were girls.Elyse shed happy tears for me.

My own laughter dissolved, becoming tears to match hers.What could be more perfect than this, sharing a happy revelation with a best friend?“I can love again.How incredible is that?”

She replied, “Really incredible.”

And we just sat there, crying happily together.

CHAPTER 10

Alex

We got Lily from the cafe later, and we all said goodbye to Elyse.Lily’s girlfriend surprised Jake and me with hugs and kisses, and I had a feeling, which Jake probably shared, that something important had happened during Lily’s visit with her.Elyse was glad to meet us before, but there was a different feeling from her now.I’m not as good with words as Jake, but if I had to describe it, I would say it felt like Elyse didn’t just like us.She approved of us.

I was more sure of it when Elyse took Alex and me both by the hand and said, “You guys…thank you.Lily means the world to me, and it means the world to me that you’ve both taken such good care of her.You’ve made her feel safe and you’ve made her feel like she has a future, and I love you for that.Thank you, really.Just thank you.”

The funniest fluttery feeling went through my heart when Elyse said that.Jake looked at her like something was melting inside him.These two girls had definitely had a really good talk while Alex and I walked around and got a bite to eat at the mall a few blocks away.Elyse stood outside the cafe, watching us leave, and it was like we had a new member of the family.

_______________

On the train ride back to Haventon, Lily took off her glasses and scarf and talked, even more animated than she was on the ride to Dewsbury, about how good it was to see Elyse again and how she really felt like she was taking back her life —thanks to us.Listening to her, I had a feeling that I’d never had before, a feeling like I was a hero and I’d done the best thing in the world by being good to Lily and caring about her.

“You guys have done everything for me,” she said.“Put a roof over my head, helped me feel safe, helped me feel like I didn’t have to dread every new day.You’ve made me feel like my life matters.”She settled back in her seat, looking like she was glowing inside.“And, of course, there’s the sex.”Her face lit up with a kind of playfulness that turned me on and must have had the same effect on Jake.“All the sex,” she said.

I looked over at Jake, who looked back at me, and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing.

“Well, yeah, there is that,” I said.

“There’s definitely that,” Jake agreed.

__________

Later, we were all in bed together, and “all the sex” took our breath away.Afterward, Jake and I lay there with Lily between us.Jake had gone first on top of her and I’d just finished and pulled out.The three of us stared up at the ceiling as if we’d just come down from floating up there, which was pretty much the way it felt.Soon enough we would be ready to “hit the ceiling” again.

The silence was filled only by the sounds of our breathing, which Lily eventually broke by saying, “Guys, I have something else to tell you.”

At the same time, we rolled our heads to look at her.

“What?” I asked.

Lily said, “When I was talking to Elyse, I decided something else about my life.Something important.”

“Okay,” said Jake.“Tell us.”

“Being with Mark was a mistake; we all know that.But it was twice as much of a mistake because to be with him, Ilet my music career go.When Mark and I started things, I didn’t have much of a career anyway.It looked like things were going nowhere and they never would go anywhere.But being with Mark was part of my giving up.I felt hopeless and I gave in to it.I surrendered.And it was a mistake.I should have found it in me and kept going somehow.”

“It’s okay,” Jake said, touching her on one arm.“You’d hit a low point, Lily.It must have felt like you’d hit bottom.”

---