Page 90 of The Dirty Saint

Dr. Safiya leans back.

“So that’s what you want? You want to be rescued?”

I can’t even look at her right now.

“I don’t sleep. I can barely eat. I am hanging by a thread, but I can’t snap because if I do, then my son will see how fucked up his mother truly is.”

“Ezra.”

“And that’s one thing Irefuseto be.”

“So what exactly are you saying,” Dr. Safiya asks.

“I’m saying that I’m afraid to become my mother. Because she might say she loves me, but we both know obligatory loveisn’t love. Look, I won’t blame my mistakes on her because I won’t give her that much power, but I do owe parts of me to her. Just not the good ones.”

“It’s okay to feel sad, though. Your emotions arealwaysvalid, Ezra.”

Tears form in my eyes. “Really? It just sounds like I was stupid enough to think my mom was coming around when, instead, all she did was let me down again.”

“She made you feel like a fool.”

“Yeah. She did. But what I hate more than anything is feeling trapped in this universe whenallI want to do is escape.”

“Ezra,” Dr. Safiya sets her notepad down and looks into my eyes.“You are not in that basement anymore. You are not chained up. You are not being violated day in and day out. You’ve been set free.”

I shake my head.

“My wings are still clipped, though. I can run, but I can’t fly. And running doesn’t keep your predators from catching you.”

“They are locked up—”

Digging my nails into my palm, I shake my head.

“Not everyone.”

After

BRIGGS

I look to Ezra, who is handing my nephew napkins to wipe his ice-cream-covered face. He’s giggling, and she’s shaking her head.

“Did it even make it in your mouth,” she asks.

Noah nods.

“Doubt it,” she finishes.

I smile at my godson, hoping it hides the fear within.

When Ezra was missing, Noah lived with me. The two of us have always been close, but our relationship grew in the time when we were both leaning on each other to survive. Noah had no idea where Ezra was or if she was coming home. My mind was filled with those same questions; only I had to raise a child while living with them.

I’m worried about my cousin. I know she’s strong and resilient, but that doesn’t mean she’s invincible. And if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that everyone breaks at one point or another.

“Here. I’ve got it.”

I take a napkin and run it over Noah’s mouth. I then ruffle his hair and stick my tongue out at him. He bursts out laughing.

“Really,” Ezra asks Noah. “You thought that was funny?”

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