Page 78 of The Dirty Saint

“I wish it weren’t,” I say in a hushed tone.

So many nights, I prayed that it was all just one big nightmare. That there was a possibility I could wake up from it and forget it ever happened.

But I never did.

My mother brushes a strand of hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear.

“I am so sorry, Ezra. For everything. You, you didn’t deserve that.”

A small smile makes its way to my face.

“But he’ll come back,” she pats my leg and then sits up straighter in her seat. “Prison will be good for him.”

I push away.

“What are you talking about?”

My mother folds her hands in her lap, and confusion fills my body like a fountain.

“Did you not hear what I just said?” I snap. “Michael Santo is not comingbackfrom this. How the hell could you even think that? Were you listening atallto me?”

“Of course I was. Look, I’m not making excuses for what he did to you, but I’m sure if my son went missing, I would be angry too.”

A hearty laugh makes its way out of my throat. My mother glances at me strangely.

“I did go missing,” I holler. “Your childdidgo missing, youidiot!”

“Ezra!”

I get up, outraged.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you? You need to makeeverythingabout you when it’s not. Why can’t you justacceptthat the man you thought you knew turned out to be a monster?”

“He is your father’s best friend; practically a brother to him. He has been a part of your life since you were a child—”

“And then he took me away from mine,” I finish.

“And you took his away from him,” she adds.

I shake my head, my heart breaking inside my chest.

“Get out,” I demand.

“Ezra—”

“Get thefuckout of my house!” I repeat. “And don’t youevercome back. I mean it. If I see you in this home ever again, I will makesureyou pay the price.”

Hurt flashes across my mother’s face, but the amount of sympathy I have towards her right now is damn near zero.

“What about Noah,” she asks.

“What about him?”

“Will I still be able to see him?”

I want to say no. Never again. But I don’t. My son won’t lose another person in his short life.

“Yes, but not for you. But becausehedoesn’t deserve any more pain.”

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