Page 66 of The Dirty Saint

“It’s like trying to convince a damnplant,” my mother mumbles.

I roll my eyes.

“I should have let Killian kill me when he was on the phone with you and Dad. Maybe then you’d feel empathy towards me.”

“Donottalk about that,” my mother snaps.

“Why,” I demand. “It happened.”

“Because—” Her voice catches in her throat. “Because I don’t want to be reminded of that.”

“How do you think I feel every day,” I ask. “I don’t want to remember any of it, but I don’t have adamnchoice!”

I am gripping my countertop so hard that my knuckles have turned white. Tears are now spilling down my cheeks, but I simply let them.

I don’t have the energy to brush them away.

“But,God,I wish I did.”

My mother bobs her head up and down, not saying a word.

“Aren’t you gonna respond,” I ask.

“What do you want from me, Ezra,” my mother cries.

“I—” I collect my thoughts. “I want you tocare.”

“Idocare.”

“But you don’t. You don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keepthrowingCaleb in my face. Acting as if he and his family are God’s gifts to the universe.”

Nancy Santo is a fine lady, don’t get me wrong, but she has always hidden behind her husband like a puppy and its owner.

And you all know about Caleb and his father.

“Mom, I get that the Santos mean a lot to you. At one point, they meant a lot to me too. But after everything that has occurred,howcan you still respect them? How can you act as if they’re perfect?Especiallyto me?”

My mother thrums a finger against the inside of her wrist. “I should have fought harder for you, Ezra Evaline.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your father and I discussed sending you away for treatment, but then we decided not to. Now I think we made the wrong decision.”

I huff. “When was this? Right after I was rescued?”

My mother doesn’t utter an answer, but she doesn’t have to. Her silence is more than enough.

“I am a grown-ass adult, and yet you continue to treat me like a child. Figures. You stopped paying me any attention at five, so it would make sense that’s how you see me still.”

Tears gather in the corner of my mother’s eyes.

“Where did my little girl go,” she whispers.

“She grew up. She clawed her way out of the trenches, and she became what no one thought she ever could. She becameme.”

16

Chapter Sixteen

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