Page 74 of The Dirty Saint

“You think I’m broken.Damaged. That I’m not the same girl you raised. But the truth is, that innocence didn’t go away until…until he died right in front of me.”

I haven’t talked about the day Joey passed because it hurts too much to remember that moment, and I don’t have the strength to keep going through it again.

Once ismorethan enough.

“I get that you don’t understand why I loved Joey, and I’m not asking you to. God knows I don’t have a good explanation myself. But I want you to at leastacknowledgethat relationship and not shun me or judge me for it.”

Tears fill Giselle Maya’s eyes, and she swipes them away.

“Mom—”

“I want to know everything,” she whispers to me. “Every detail, every…partof what you went through.”

“No,” I shake my head. “You don’t.”

“Ezra,please,” my mother begs.

I lean my head against the wall, hoping that it can calm down my heart before the ravenous beating kills me.

“If I do, it willdestroyyou. You won’t be able to sleep at night. You won’t be able to live with that information, and just when you think you’ve forgotten, your mind will bring it up again just to fuck with you. I don’t think you understand how badit truly was.”

“Thenhelpme,” my mother grabs my hands, and this time I don’t pull them away. “Helpme.”

“Why do you suddenly care,” I ask.

My mother pulls something out of her pocket and hands it to me gently.

“What is this,” I ask.

“It’s a photograph from when you were younger. You were five. I know that because I bought you this dress for your birthday party.” She takes a breath. “It was also the first time I had ever gotten physical with you.”

Before my mother can get the last word out, sobs are raging out of her like she’s being exorcised. Years of guilt wash over her like an ocean, and she lays her head in her hands to quiet her pain.

“I’m so sorry, Ezra,” she wails. “I’m so sorry for all of it.”

I don’t know how to react. The apologies, the regrets— it’s too much to process all at once.

“Mom—”

“What did Michael Santo and his men do to you?”

During

JOEY

Dom rips Ezra’s pants off of her, along with her underwear, causing the most sacred part of her to be on display.

I swear I’m gonna kill him. The second I get out of these chains, I am going to squeeze his body until it snaps in my constraint.

“Tono told me about your little ‘fingering’ situation and how you did it right in front of him. God, it made me so mad. But then I thought: I could still have my fun. You’ve got more than one hole; it’s just too bad I only have one dick.”

The anxiety stirs inside Ezra, and she looks to me for guidance. I shake my head, unable to do anything but silently pray that what I think is going to happen doesn’t actually happen.

“Now I know Tono might be slightly on the older side, but he’s still got it. His wife told me that he can work it in the ass like no other.”

“So feel free to tell that she can have that all to herself,” Ezra snaps. “She doesn’t need to share.”

Dom laughs before taking one her nipples in between his mouth and sucking it hard. Everything in me twists and turns, urging me to go out there and stop my friend from fucking my girl.

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