Page 60 of The Dirty Saint

“I used to think that you were a monster,” I say.

“Iama monster.”

I gaze up at Joey, cupping the side of his face with my hand.

“Not tonight, you weren’t.”

Joey rests his forehead on mine.

“I wish I could take back everything I’ve done to you,” he says, his voice twinged with shame.

“I know,” I whisper.

“You didn’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly a saint myself.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Joey says. “I caused you physical harm, not to mention mental and emotional as well.”

“You think that I’ve never hurt someone?”

“No, not like me. I have tortured people, Ezra. That is not the same as you getting into a fistfight at a bar.”

I sit up, pulling my hair up into a ponytail.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“Ezra, what are you talking about?”

I bring my knees to my chest.

“You’re not the only one who’s done fucked up things. And you’re not the only one who carries around their guilt because they think they deserve it.”

“You’re nothing like me,” he winces.

I plant a sweet, tender kiss on his jawline.

“Joey, if you keep holding on to every bad thing that you have ever done, you are never going to give yourself a chance to live. You need to learn to forgive yourself.”

I feel Joey’s heartbeat underneath the tips of my fingers. He is shaking, breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face and onto his chest.

“I shouldn’t have let myself do anything to you,” he whispers.

“What?”

“I took advantage of you.”

“Joey,” I sit up. “Where is this coming from?”

“You let your guard down, and I used that as my opening to get what I wanted.”

“Did you ever stop and think about what I wanted?”

Joey looks up at me, his eyes ridden with guilt.

“I let you have your way with me because I needed this as much as you did. So don’t you dare think for one second that I didn’t want this too.”

I wrap my hand around Joey’s, and I brush a tear from his cheek.

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