Page 100 of The Dirty Saint

And I’m done letting myself get in my own way.

“I think I’d like to read it out loud.”

Dr. Safiya nods, “Whenever you’re ready.”

I smile.

“Dear Diary, I thought about Joey last night before bed. Thought about how things ended. I thought about what he said and what transpired and felt sad that we didn’t end on good terms.

“A lot came of my abduction, but not all of it is bad though. I got the opportunity to fall in love with not just one person, but two. At least, I re-fell love in love with someone I greatly missed.

“I have spent a lot of nights alone in my room, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why the universe hasn’t let me end up with the people I love. I haven’t had an answer until now.

“It’s because I was meant to fall in love with myself. Not a man or woman, but the lady in the mirror who stares back at me.

“So from here on out, I promise to value every second as if it could be my last. Because it very well could be.

“And I’m just not ready.

“Ezra.”

Dr. Safiya smiles at me and then closes her notepad.

“What,” I ask.

“Nothing. I’m just proud of you.”

I laugh shyly.

She leans closer.“Ezra, you and I have been seeing each other three times a week for about a month now, and during each one of our sessions, you have spent a great deal of our time together talking about other people: Noah, Joey, Lana, Briggs, Michael, your mother. Very rarely did you talk about yourself, specifically your strength and your growth.

“I asked you to write this diary entry not just for me, but for you. I wanted you to truly see how brave and resilient you are.”

I take the time to process what Dr. Safiya is saying because, well, I haven’t felt true pride in myself since I’ve been rescued.

I may seem like someone who is always put together on the outside, but that’s only because I’m masking what’s going on inside. I don’t want to burden the people around me with my pain.

“No one is perfect, Ezra. I most definitely am not. And just like I’ve accepted that, I want you to accept your journey and all that comes along with it. The good, the bad, the tears, the smiles. Allow yourself to feel everything that you’re feeling, even if you think it’s crazy, because let me tell you, Ezra, youarevalid. Andyoudodeserve happiness. And one day, when it reaches you, I hope you’ll reward me the privilege of letting me in.”

I fiddle with my fingers like I did the first day we met.

“You sure about that,” I whisper.

“I may not be perfect, but I do have a pretty good track record of being correct.”

Epilogue

After

EZRA

It has been nearly two months since Joey was killed and I was rescued. It’s been really tough not having him here anymore. I miss him.

But having his family welcome me and mine with open arms has been so comforting. David and Noah have become the best of friends, and Eva is about to pop any day now with her baby girl. Nadia has gone through her last round of chemotherapy and is finally in remission.

As for Mr. Alden Odeh? I am delighted to say that he has been kicked out of the house. As far as I can tell, he’s been living a great life out on the streets of Georgia.

“Mom, can David and I have a sleepover tonight,” Noah asks.

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