Page 8 of Bonded Beyond Regret

Something started to give in the middle of my chest. When I glanced over at Nyx and Aisley, the feeling increased. I’m not willing to examine what it is, not even a little bit.

But I do know that I’m going to help these females find their footing again. I’m going to do my best to fan the flames of strength that I feel in Nyx, and I’ll protect the light shining from Aisley with everything I am.

I look Austin in the eyes and vow, “I will do everything in my power to make sure that their lives here are happy, and they find a place that they belong.”

The smile on his face is full of relief and when he steps away to hug his pup and grandpup, my wolf howls his approval at my words. The feeling of something coming my way is hard to ignore, but even if it’s true, the regrets and shadows of my past require so much sacrifice that there won’t be room for much else.

CHAPTER 4

NYX

I’m a mess of contradictions. I realize this, and it’s been this way since Andrew died, but there’s not much I can do about it. I’ve been trying to come to terms with it, but it’s not easy.

For the first time in three years, it feels like I can breathe, but the realization has me feeling guilty. The guilt is almost too much to take and makes me feel like my lungs won’t inflate fully. So, yeah, contradictions.

I’ve only been in Waning Moon for a few days, but those days have been full. Of new experiences. Of new people. Of a place where the memories of my mate don’t feel like ghosts surrounding me all the time.

And that’s why I can finally breathe.

The small home we’ve been given is more than enough forAisley and me. It’s cozy and close to the packhouse, but not too close. I can take her to school every morning in a matter of minutes, which is great since today is her first day. We went over there yesterday to get her all registered before we went and got her a few new supplies. New school, new notebooks and markers is a pretty good mantra, if I do say so myself.

How Aisley would do with leaving her school and friends is what I was worried about the most with this move, but she’s accepted it without a problem. She’s even looking forward to making new friends. Sure, she’s a little nervous about being in a new classroom, but her excitement is definitely bigger than her fear.

She’s kind of my hero in this situation.

Seeing the way that she’s taken on this change and is looking at it like an opportunity for a fresh start, has me doing the same. I’m sure it’s helped that we’ve gone to the play area in the afternoon, and she’s already met a few of the pups in her grade.

She’s the kind of girl who can make friends easily wherever she goes. I know she’s going to get in the car this afternoon and be all smiles and full of stories about her first day. I can’t wait.

Honestly, I’m kind of dreading not having her with me today. It’ll be the first day since we moved here that I won’t really know what to do with myself. I might go and check out one of the training sessions since I did get a tour of the training grounds after my parents and Alpha Whitaker and Luna Tilly left.

Aisley was busy playing with Dalton watching over her. I’m not even sure why Alpha Samuel was the one to give me the tour of the rest of the pack, but he did. I’m sure he had more important things to do, but he was right there with me.

Talk about a huge contradiction. It was incredibly nice and thoughtful and made me feel more welcome in our new pack. At the same time, it was more than a little bit distracting.

It won’t really be my fault if I get lost in the pack in the beginning. It’ll have nothing to do with the thoroughness of Alpha Samuel’s tour because he showed me everything and told me about the pack’s dining hall schedule and what stores can be found right outside the pack’s boundary.

I just couldn’t pay complete attention to everything he was saying. Other than Andrew, Alpha Samuel is the most attractive man I’ve ever met. If I wanted to be honest with myself, which I’m not sure that I’m interested in, Alpha Samuel is hotter than my mate was.

Our new Alpha is tall with broad shoulders and muscles that are a visual reminder of just how hard the man must train. Then there’s the chocolate brown hair that’s a little long compared to what I’m used to males wearing. Or, maybe, I just haven’t been paying attention which is completely possible.

Not only is his hair a little past his ears, but it looks so damn soft. Part of me wanted to run my fingers through it while the other wanted to run the other direction and never look back.

Alpha Samuel’s eyes are a bright crystal blue that had me captivated. It wasn’t just the color though, it was the pain and understanding that I could easily read in his gaze. I’ve heard the rumors, and I know he’s experienced the death of a mate as well, even though it was a completely different situation. From my understanding, his mate wasn’t a good female who was evil down to her core. Still, having the mate bond ripped out of you isn’t easy, no matter the circumstances.

I could see tattoos peeking out of the t-shirt our new Alpha was wearing. It made me curious about seeing all of them. Andrew was very clean cut and to be intrigued by Alpha Samuel’s tattoos was more than a little surprising to me.

What surprised me most of all is that it’s clear Alpha Samuel is younger than me. I had heard he was only in his early twenties, but seeing it was completely different. No one so young should have been put in a position to make the choices he has or experience that kind of pain. Not that there’s ever really a good age for a person’s future to be ripped away from them.

“Come on, little miss,” I project my voice to where Aisley’s room is toward the back of the house as I finish doctoring up my travel cup of coffee. It’s a crime to not start out the day with some coffee, especially for me since I rarely get a good night of sleep anymore. “Time to head out for school.”

Aisley rushes into the room, the outfit she picked out last night on, her shoes dangling from the fingers of one hand and her backpack from the other. I find myself chuckling at the excited gleam in her eyes as she starts bouncing on the balls of her feet.

I grab her backpack and nod toward the cozy couch for her to get her shoes on. Thankfully, our new home was fully furnished. I wasn’t expecting it to be decorated so well, but I can’t say I’m not thankful. I figured we would come here and get settled with the basics before figuring out moving the bigger things over.

Since that doesn’t need to happen and we have everything important with us, Alpha Whitaker and Luna Tilly can use my old place as a guest house right away. Or they could open it up to a new, small family. That house should have love and laughter inside of it again. It was perfect for us before everything changed.

I shake my head knowing that Andrew’s parents won’t be happy about another family moving in. I guess it’s a good thing they won’t have to deal with it right away since they’re traveling for who knows how long. When I called them to let them know about changing packs, they were pissed at me.

---