Page 34 of Bonded Beyond Regret

I don’t have to see Mom to know that she’s probably crying. When I brush my hand along my cheek, I realize that I’m cryingas well. Instead of sadness, though, these are tears of joy. It’s an emotional story, one that I earned through years of pain.

Surprisingly, I can make peace with that.

“I’m so happy for you, Nyx,” her voice is thick with emotion. “I had such a good feeling about you moving packs, even though it would be difficult to not have you and Aisley with us. I just knew you needed this and would find something to help you keep going.”

“Mama intuition, huh?” I tease her and she chuckles softly.

“You know it,” she commiserates with me because I do know. “Which is why I know there’s something you’re still worried about.” I open my mouth to tell her she’s wrong, but I don’t get the chance. “Don’t try to deny it and just because you’re worried about something doesn’t mean you aren’t happy. I know you are. I can hear it in your voice. It’s like you’ve come alive again.”

“I’m a mess of contradictions,” I sigh.

“That’s life,” Mom snorts unapologetically.

She’s right, I know it. The duality of life, the contradictions, provide a balance. Even when you feel like you’re being torn in two directions, we need both sides. The good and the bad. The darkness and the light. The strong and the weak.

Mom waits me out, not pushing me and not demanding answers. Whether it’s an interrogation tactic or she’s just allowing me space to process, the end result is the same.

I fold like a house of cards.

“I haven’t talked to Aisley about being with Samuel yet,” I admit. “I know she loves Samuel. She seeks him out and blossoms under his attention, but that was with him as ourAlpha. Will it be different if she knows we’re together and working toward a future together? Will she be hurt by it and feel like we’re erasing Andrew? I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to lose Samuel. I don’t know if I can survive either thing.”

Mom chuckles under her breath and I narrow my eyes even though she can’t see me. I huff my displeasure at her finding this amusing. It’s not.

“I’m not laughing at you, my pup,” her voice is light and airy, like I don’t have real worries making my gut tighten over here. “You need to have a little faith, Nyx,” she admonishes me gently. “Have faith in Samuel to be what you and Aisley needs. Have faith in Aisley that she’ll embrace having Samuel in your lives. She wants you to be happy and I can hear how much lighter you are. She’s been worried about you, but now she doesn’t need to be. Even if she didn’t already love Samuel, which is sounds like she does, you being happy would be enough for her.”

“You know, when you use logic with me and sound all reasonable, it really makes it difficult for me to be annoyed with you,” I snark.

She starts laughing and it doesn’t take me more than a second to join her. When was the last time I laughed with my Mom? My heart aches at the thought. I regret the time I lost to my grief. I can’t go back and change it, and I had to get through it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize the time we’ve lost.

“Don’t,” Mom warns.

I croak, “Don’t what?”

“Don’t go there. I can almost hear your thoughts. You had to grieve, and you deserved the time to do that. No one gets to judge you for it, and you don’t get to judge yourself for it just because you have a little perspective now. One day you’ll lookback and the last three years won’t feel so big. You’ll still love and remember Andrew, but your life will be full of so much more. That is all I want for you and there’s no room for regrets or what ifs in my dream for you, my pup.”

“How do you do that? How do you know exactly what I’m thinking and what I need to hear?”

She barks out a laugh, her tone sage, “Mama intuition.”

“I love you, Mom,” I sigh, needing to say it, needing her to hear it.

“I love you too, my pup.” Her tone becomes stern, “Now, go and talk to my sweet grandpup and let her surprise you and put your fears to rest.”

“Fine,” I groan, holding he word out.

I have no doubt that Aisley will surprise me. She has a knack for doing just that. It’s been that way since she was born, and I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

We hang up after promising to check in soon and figure out a time when they can come and visit us here. I want to show them my life here and I want them to see how happy I am. I could go to them, but they wouldn’t get the full effect. For so long my parents had to see me wallowing in the pain, I want them to see that it’s different for me now.

When I go looking for Aisley, I find her in her room and laying on her bed. She has headphones on and her tablet in front of her. I pull her headphones off, and she looks at me with a huge scowl on her face. I know she’s trying to look mean, but it’s just adorable.

“Mom,” she groans, and I swear she sounds like a teenager. I’m not ready for that and scrunch my nose up.

She’s growing up way too fast. She was just a little baby in my arms, I swear. I don’t like it, but I know it is how it’s supposed to be.

“What are you doing?” I sit on the edge of her bed, and she shifts until she’s sitting up against her headboard.

“Just listening to some music,” she explains and shrugs.

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