Page 24 of Bonded Beyond Regret

I huff out a breath as I force my expression to look neutral and swing the door open. Samuel’s eyes find mine right away. When he looks away, it’s to look me over as if he’s checking to make sure I’m okay. The action is small, but it impacts me right in the center of my chest.

“Nyx,” he breathes out, relief evident in his voice.

“Good morning, Samuel,” my tone is brisk even though I’m feeling anything but. “Decided that stalking me wasn’t cutting it anymore?”

Samuel’s eyes widen as he stands there and stares at me. The longer it goes on, the harder it is not to smile. When the corners of my mouth tips up, Samuel heaves out an audible breath.

He takes a step closer to me before moving his hand slowly until he’s cupping one of my cheeks. Fuck, being this close to him is like standing too close to the sun. It’s so fucking hot and I’m not sure that I’m safe.

But I don’t want to step away. I want to soak up his warmth while I still can.

He smirks, and his voice is light even though slightly strained, “You got jokes, little warrior?”

“Apparently,” I sass him.

Samuel throws his head back and laughs. Witnessing it makes my knees weak.

It’s a different side of him. I’ve seen him concerned, stern, serious, and pained. But laughing?

If I could witness this everyday for the rest of my life, I’d be okay with that.

“If you want that then you can’t let the loss of our mate hold you back. Not anymore,”my wolf coos.

Fucking hell.

“Can we talk?” The vulnerability in Samuel’s voice has me nodding immediately.

It’s a strange contradiction to witness when the Alpha, the one who carries the pack on his shoulders and protects everyone, shows there is more to him and that he can be emotionally exposed. Even though I’m afraid of doing the same with him, part of me craves it.

It’s been so long since someone knew me, really knew me. Sure, I have my parents, but that’s not the same thing. There’s another layer of intimacy with your mate which is impossible to experience with anyone else.

Maybe letting Samuel in and giving this a try will be the right thing for me. Maybe it’ll allow me to find the light again after so many years feeling empty and lost.

Samuel leads me over to the porch swing which is more like a daybed swing. It’s one of my favorite features of this house. There have been many peaceful moments out here on the swing.

Even when we’re sitting, Samuel keeps touching me. It’s like he can’t not touch me which is messing with me a little bit. Or, maybe, what is throwing me off is how much I’m enjoying it and how much I don’t want him to stop.

“I know I’m not good enough for you, Nyx. I’m sure as hell not good enough to be in Aisley’s life in any capacity.” I open my mouth to tell him how much bullshit he’s spewing, but he shakes his head firmly and I clamp my lips together. “Killing my mateleft a stain on my soul. I’ll never be able to wash it away and I never want it to touch you or Aisley.”

“Samuel,” I sigh, hating how hard he is on himself.

“No,” he growls, “it’s true, but I can’t stay away from you. I can’t stop craving having you in my life. I can’t stand thinking about putting distance between us or with Aisley. You are both full of so much light and I’m just selfish enough to not being able or willing to let you go. My wolf agrees and already calls you two his females. I haven’t been brave enough to do it, but I do think he’s right.” He cups my jaw and slides his thumb back and forth right underneath my lower lip. “Even though it scares the hell out of me, you are mine. You’re my female and she is my pup.”

My eyes well up with tears and my heart feels like it grows so much that it’s about to burst from my chest. The loss and pain caused that lovesick organ to shrivel up until it could only hold my love for Aisley.

For the first time in three years that I think I could find a way back to being whole.

“I know it’s probably too much. I know Aisley isn’t my pup, not biologically and I never want her father to be forgotten or ignored,” his words come out in a rush.

I’m not sure if he’s planning on saying anything else, but I don’t get the chance to hear it because I cover his mouth with my hand. His wide-eyed panic is adorable. Not that I’ll ever tell him that.

“I’m not upset,” I tell him honestly. He gives me a pointed look toward my eyes which becomes even more insistent when one tear escapes as I shake my head slowly. My words are even and measured, “I know you would never erase him. The thoughtnever even crossed my mind. I know, no matter what, you’ll honor him.”

He nods so quickly that I’m almost a little worried about him. My eyes roam over him, taking in the stress that lines his forehead and the way his eyes light up from the inside out. I’ve seen him be so stoic with people, but he’s not that way with me or Aisley.

“You’re wrong about something, Samuel,” my tone is decisive. He shakes his head slowly and I find myself smiling. “You’re wrong that you aren’t good enough to be in my life or Aisley’s life.”

Even though his face goes mutinous, I slowly pull my hand away. I’m a little surprised he doesn’t try and convince me why he’s not worthy of me, but he doesn’t. He just watches and waits.

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