Page 19 of Bonded Beyond Regret

I freeze with her words, unsure of what to even say in response. But it doesn’t matter because she’s already asleep. It’s probably for the best.

After kissing her forehead, I head out of her room, turning on her noise machine as I go. She’s loved the sound of lullabies playing since she was a baby. When I go to bed, I’ll check on her one more time and then turn it off.

Even though she’s already asleep, it would be strange not to turn it on. She wouldn’t know the difference, but I’d know.

When I step into the living room, my steps stutter and then stop. The last thing I was expecting to see was Samuel sitting on my couch. But here is in.

In all his glory.

I feel my cheeks heat as I wonder if he was able to hear any of the conversation I was just having with my daughter. I hope not, but at the same time I find it doesn’t bother me as much as it probably should.

Even entertaining thinking about the notion of anything happening between us should have me panicking and running for the hills. But that’s not the case.

It’s strange and I’m not sure what to make of it.

My steps are cautious as I move closer to him. His blue eyes are intent and focused on me. He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting in one of his hands. It doesn’t make any sense, but I desperately want to know what he’s thinking about.

“What are you doing here?”

I wince because the question comes out much harsher than I intended it to. I’m not mad that he’s here, but I figured he wouldn’t have even gotten out of the car after bringing us back home. I would never have imagined that he would not only follow me inside but then wait on me to put Aisley to bed.

He clears his throat as his gaze leisurely peruses down and then back up my body. I swear I watch his eyes heat, but that can’t be right. Or is it?

“I couldn’t leave you without saying good night,” he admits. From the look on his face, I think he surprised himself. He sighs, “Honestly, I didn’t want to leave.”

As I sink down onto the couch next to him, I feel both centered and completely off kilter. Contradictions are a wild ride. “I’m sorry that I ran off so quickly. I don’t know what to make of being around you,” I give him a little bit of my truth since he’s being open with me.

“I don’t know either,” he glances away from me before looking at me again.

The hunger in his gaze has my breathing deepening. The more I try not to look at his lips, the harder it is to look away. I should not be thinking about kissing him, not when he’s about to be my Alpha. Then there’s the question as to whether it would be wrong in the name of Andrew’s memory.

“It wouldn’t be wrong,”my wolf asserts firmly.“Our fated would want us to be happy. This male understands our pain. We could heal together.”

“I think I liked it better when you didn’t talk to me as much.”I hope she knows I’m teasing. Mostly.

It really is good to hear from her more, her lack of communication was worrying, but I had so many other things to worry about that it wasn’t something I could put energy into. Having her talk to me more is a relief.

She makes a chuffing sound before relaxing in my mind while still using my eyes to take in Samuel.

“I really don’t know what I’m doing here, Nyx,” Samuel’s voice is deep and borders on hypnotic. I could get lost in the man’s eyes as well. They’re beautiful and expressive in a way I’ve never seen before. “I know it isn’t convenient for either of us, not really, but I want you.” He looks down as his fists clench on his lap. “Since Kathy’s death, I haven’t looked twice at a she-wolf or considered something more with them,” it sounds like he pushes the words, his confession, out of him by force.

I gasp softly and my eyes widen as I process what he’s saying.

“I don’t understand it either,” I murmur. “I haven’t looked at a male beyond them being pack or family in three years. I figured I never would, but then I came here and I’m constantly fighting guilt because there’s something about you I can’t ignore.” I take a deep breath and admit, “I’m not even sure that I want to.”

We stare into each other’s eyes for a long time. It feels like time passes so damn slowly and too fast at the same time. I’m not sure who is going to break first and what that is going to look like.

Samuel’s tone is curious, “Have you thought any more about what you want to do in the pack? I know it’s important to you.”

Even as Samuel’s eyes remain locked on me, and still filled with the same intensity, I welcome him changing the subject to alleviate some of the pressure. I’m not sure that I’m ready for anything physical between us even though my body is on board.

My hard nipples and damp panties are proof that my body is totally on board with something happening between us. But my mind and my heart just aren’t there. Not yet at least.

“I’m not sure,” I admit and bite my bottom lip. “I always loved working with Mom in her bakery. People come in and are happy to get a treat or need your help celebrating something in their life. It always helped me feel good about the day and I love to bake.”

I swear I see pride in Samuel’s eyes when he flashes me a big grin. “You know,” his tone is conspiratorial as he leans toward me slightly but not too much that I feel crowded, “the bakery in town used to be owned and operated by a pack member before it closed.”

My eyes widen and excitement fills me. It’s not an emotion I’m used to feeling, not anymore at least. I welcome it with open arms. I can’t help but ask, “Why did it close?”

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