Page 48 of Loving Jamie

I check the time on my phone and realise I need to get in the shower if I want to be ready in time for Justin to pick me up. My chest warms and my heart beats faster as I think about our plans for tonight. I can’t wait to blow Jamie’s mind and I think getting Justin in the Daddy mindset will be good for him, having control of thenowinstead of focussing on the past, at least for a few hours.

It doesn’t take long to get showered and dressed. My go-to outfit for when I’m working at the club is black trousers with a matching shirt, and tonight doesn’t look much different except for the black leather harness with three O rings that hang against my chest. With my shirt buttoned up you can’t tell that I’m wearing anythingrisquéunderneath, but I know my guys will enjoy seeing it later on tonight.

Justin arrives a little before our scheduled time, I open the front door and I can tell something’s wrong.

His clothes look great as always, and his hair looks perfectly styled, but the way he’s swaying on his feet and doesn’t make eye contact with me isn’t right.

“Hey, Justin. Are you feeling alright?” I slowly reach a hand out to him and he startles a little before his head snaps to mine. Now that he’s looking at me, I can see how bloodshot his eyes are. “What’s the matter?”

His throat clicks as he swallows a few times. He opens his mouth to speak but his voice breaks before he even gets a word out.

I walk closer to him and pull his body to mine, his arms instantly wrapping around the bottom of my back. I hold him by the back of his head and pull his face into my neck, his shaky breaths hot against my skin.

We stand like this for a few minutes until he pulls away, and when he does, he quickly uses his hand to wipe away the moisture around his eyes. “Sorry, I’m fine. I needed that; I’ve had a rough couple of hours.”

“Talk to me, Justin. What happened? You seemed ok when I dropped you off earlier?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head to look at the darkening sky. “I… erm, I decided to try and sort through some rooms in the house, starting with my mum’s. But I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t even open her bedroom door. And I was freaking out so I went to Jude’s old bedroom. He hasn’t stepped foot inside that room since the incident happened. I cleaned it when he was still in the hospital, just not good enough because the carpet was all stained. So, I decided to rip out the carpets and I found a massive puddle of dried blood on the floor. It took a while to scrub all that away. But it's done. And I’m fine now.”

By the time he’s finished speaking I can see he’s starting to sweat and his eyes are looking all panicky. “Woah, woah, woah. You could have called me, you know? I would have come and helped you. But you’re right, that does sound like a stressful couple of hours.” I hold the side of his head, forcing him to face me, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Even though he’s shaking, he nods his head. “Yeah. No, I’m fine. I feel better now that it's clean.” He runs his hand through his hair, messing it up slightly, before he says, “And honestly, I did think about calling you. I think hearing your voice would have stabilised me a little bit. But I think this is something I had to do on my own. I have carried so much guilt over the years, I needed to do something to make it better. Even something small like cleaning the room felt good, like cleansing the soul, you know?”

Oh, my sweet, sweet man. He still looks spooked but I can see the strength in his eyes. I pull him back into a hug and quietly tell him, “Everything you’ve just said makes a lot of sense. I can’t even begin to understand everything that’s happened but I need to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. From what you’ve told me, Jude’s abuse started when he was a baby, and Justin, you were also a child when all of this occurred. There wasn’t anything that young you could have done.”

He tries to pull away, but I’m not done yet. “Listen to me. I’m not shaming you for feeling the guilt, that is totally understandable. I just don’t want you to spend the rest of your life carrying round this crushing weight. If there is anything me or Jamie can do, please let us know.”

When he pulls away this time, I let him. He inhales a few shaky breaths before he says, “Realistically I know there was nothing I could do, but he’s my baby brother. I was supposed to protect him. But I know you’re right. I think at some point I’d like to speak to someone about it, maybe a therapist?”

I press my lips to his, enjoying his taste for a few short moments before I pull away. “Anything you want, sweetheart.” I kiss him again and whisper into his mouth, “I love you.”

He smiles against my lips. “I love you too. Now we better get going, remember what happened last time we were late to meet Jamie?”

I laugh at the memory of Jamie scolding us. I pull away from him and look into his blue eyes, “You going to be ok tonight?”

He smiles and nods his head, “Yeah. There’s nowhere else I'd rather be. I need to spend some quality time with my men.”

Chapter 28 –

Jamie

After purchasing my outfit for tonight, I realised I needed to stop off at home to grab my shoes and accessories. So after quickly stopping off at home, I drove Jude and I back to Nate's house.

As soon as we walk through the front door, Jude skips away to go find his boyfriend. I put all my bags on the floor in the hallway and grab my phone to text the group chat.

Going to get ready for tonight with Jude. I’ll get a ride to the club with him and Nate. I’m excited to see you both later XX

It only takes a few minutes for them to respond with a thumbs up.

“JUDE! We gotta start getting ready. I’m gonna jump in the shower.” I shout as I start walking towards the stairs.

Jude responds with a breathyOKfrom the living room. Not wanting to witness my best friend getting it on with his boyfriend, I grab my bags and rush up the stairs towards the bathroom.

I put my toiletry bag on the bathroom counter before turning on the shower. I get a fresh razor and the rest of my shower stuff out my bag and climb under the water.

After twenty minutes my whole body is smooth as fuck and I smell delicious. Just as I’m combing some leave-in conditioner into my hair there’s a soft knock at the door and Jude’s soft voice echoes in the hallway. “Jamie? Are you getting ready in there or do you want to get ready with me in my room?”

Making sure my towel is securely wrapped around my waist, I pull the door open, steam from the shower wafts out the room. “Ooo let’s get ready together. We haven’t done that in ages!”

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